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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
Last week, we posted five places for a snog in Dublin. Life’s all swings and roundabouts, however, so this week we’re tooling you up with five fab locations for doing the exact opposite. “If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it,” as Hemmingway wrote, and who are we to argue? Breaking up can be hard to do, but having the location sorted certainly makes things a lot easier... and let’s face it, any location is better than “taking a break” by text.
Where else? Airports are notoriously transient spaces – full of people coming and going (well, except that guy who lived in the departure lounge of Paris Charles de Gaulle for 17 years). Calling time on a relationship is tough, but here you get to leave your partner… and the city and country to boot. Check the choices on the departure boards! T2 wins the toss-up between terminals - its high ceilings, sweeping views and spanky cafes are the perfect spot to deplane from your relationship.
It’s one of Exchequer Street’s best-kept secrets – a cosy little library bar slotted into the first floor of the otherwise unremarkable Central Hotel. Evenings can fill up fast, but for a civilised afternoon parting of the ways, there’s nowhere like it. A Jameson to stay the hand, a few hushed home truths among the plush armchairs, and you can call it all off before cutting that duplicate apartment key. Your newest ex may not appreciate your behaviour, but they can’t fault you on the location.
All is fair in love and war. Technically, that makes it ok to break up on Twitter. But what if you took the opposite tack, throwing in the towel mid-way through a tasting menu at The Greenhouse? It’s a classy place (beats dropping the axe at Buskers Sports Bar, anyway) and the staff will do their best to make it as smooth an experience as possible. Downsides? You are 100% going to be left footing a hefty bill… and your partner could go all Phoenix Park on it anyway (see below).
Remember the scene where Jerry Maguire gets fired? “Aw shit… the crowded restaurant… so there’s no scene…” Well, the Phoenix Park is the exact opposite of that. The open fields here are the No.1 choice when you know that the end of your relationship will be like the beginning of Saving Private Ryan. Besides, there’s a certain poetry in announcing that you ‘need more space’ in a wide-open location. Other options include Dollymount Strand, the Great South Wall or – for added drama – Glasnevin Cemetery. You had me at goodbye…
The danger of breaking up somewhere fancy like The Greenhouse is that it’s impossible to stay mad over Mickael Viljanen’s passion fruit soufflé. Before you know it, you’re holding hands and waking up at Square One all over again. Taking your date to a Chinese buffet, however, leaves little room for ambiguity. The all-you-can-eat dinner costs just €13.90 midweek, the food is ready and waiting, and your soon-to-be-ex will be so full of crispy aromatic duck and double-cooked pork that they won’t have the energy to yell when you finally drop the bomb. Breaking up is a bitch, but Jimmy’s got your back with the buffet. Taxi!
