12 Things Bandwagon-Hopping Nobs Will Say At This Sunday's All-Ireland Final
How they got tickets, nobody will ever know.
The final step on the long and arduous journey towards Sam takes place this Sunday, when the Dubs face Kerry in a bid to get their hands on the most coveted trophy in the land.
Tickets, understandably, are like gold-dust – and yet, as ever, there'll be a massive chunk of the crowd who managed to wangle their way in despite not having been anywhere near Croker in more than a decade.
They won't be particularly difficult to spot – in fact, you may know one of them yourself. But just in case you're in any doubt, these 12 key phrases will give away the bandwagon brigade a mile off.
We're following the green route, lads
Because you’ve been to Croker so many times, you still need coloured posts to show them how to get in?
Which side is the Hogan?
Is there assigned seating here?
This is Hill 16. What do you think?
GO ON NUMBER 4!
HE HAS A NAME.
Back of the net, back of the net! AHHH he kicked it over the bar.
Again, this isn’t socc…
… oh just fucking forget it.
D'ye know who they need now? Jason Sherlock, that's who.
Because a player from the 1990s is the only nostalgia-based touchpoint they possibly have to offer on this topic.
AHHH THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN RED, REF!
In their defence, black cards didn’t exist when you last actually watched a match in its entirety.
What the hell was that disallowed for?
Not even going to try. Explaining the square ball rule to these people would be a bit like explaining equality to Donald Trump.
Who's yer man going mad on the touchline?
That’s Jim Gavin. But hey, why would you know that?
GIVE IT TO BROGAN!
Well, you at least know the name of one of the people on the pitch. Him, and the 'guy from the AIB ad'.
This is progress. I suppose.