We've all had one of those terrifying moments – walking down Grafton Street, on your way to God knows where, when you suddenly have an urge to go that just won't abate. And whether you're dying for a number 1 or a number 2, there's always that moment when you just can't hold it any more. Not even for 10 seconds.
It's happened us more times than we'd like to remember – so much so that we're now pros at rooting out the best public loos to sneak in and out of without having to queue for hours or, worse, being asked what you're doing by someone who thinks they're loos are for customers only. When you gotta go, you gotta go...
Tower Records in Easons on O'Connell St
The toilet's pretty small, but it does the job – and you get the bonus of being seen going into a book shop. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.
Go to the loo like royalty in the large – and, crucially, always clean – toilets.
Chester Beatty Library
Also in Dublin Castle, it's the perfect opportunity to do a poo and then eat something delish in the Silk Road Kitchen. Win-win!
The loos are terrifying and rather dingy, but if you're over near Busarus, your choices are very limited so, y'know, just be quick.
Your best bet for a BT bowel movement is downstairs. If you enter via the door on Wicklow St, you can go straight down into the labyrinthine menswear department – all the way around to the right, past the boxers, are the immaculately kept loos. Handy.
Those pesky 30 cent turnstiles are gone, so the Heuston loos are all yours – just ignore the myriad phone numbers on the toilet door.
The Merrion Hotel
Okay, so a five-star hotel probably isn't the first jacks option that springs to mind, but as long as you keep your head held high (and you're not coming from a game of five-a-side in your filthy football gear), you should be fine. Loos are downstairs, to the right of the inner reception desk (you're welcome).
The Light House Cinema
Hands down (pants down?), this is our fave loo in Dublin – if you go on the ground floor, where you come in, you can sneak into the jacks before you even see the ticket desk. The one drawback? It's unisex, just like in Ally McBeal (or our nightmares).
Powerscourt Townhouse Centre
Okay, so the toilets here are situated, very awkwardly, on the top floor – but it'll take two minutes, max, to scale those great heights if you're in a real hurry and, if you can wait another three minutes, you can always get the lift.