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Revealed: The Secret Formula Used To Determine The Price Of Your Deli Sandwich
Published 00:10 20 Dec 2016 GMT
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Published 00:10 20 Dec 2016 GMT
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We've all found ourselves doing a double take at a deli counter, as we're presented with a roll, wrap or sandwich that for some reason costs as much as twice what it cost the day before.
You may think that this has something to do with the amount of chicken, or the volume of coleslaw, or perhaps the presence of more notions-laden ingredients such as jalapenos or chopped peppers.
On the contrary, however, the pricing is determined by a complex and closely guarded formula, distributed under oath to all deli workers before they take up their roll. Sorry, role.
We uncovered a copy of this secret documentation – and what we found inside, which we've relayed verbatim below, may shock you.
This is based on the customer's personal likeability, their clothes, and in some particularly archaic institutions, their gender.
It's very important that you're precise about this, otherwise the entire integrity of the formula could be called into question.
Keeping up? Good.
NB: If the shop is playing neither of these radio stations, you are not working in a real shop. Exit immediately.
If you're not sure of this number, estimate between 110 and 180.
For instance, if your number is 3,042,777, then 3+0+4+2+7+7+7 = 30.
This will be your cent total.
This will be your euro total, and the number you choose is entirely up to you based on your current mood.
It might be €2.23 or it might be €5.67.
What's important is that this number was reached using irrefutable modern science – you have done your duty.
