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27th December 2016
01:46pm GMT
Look, we have a lot of respect for cyclists – you’re keeping nice and fit and doing the environment a solid by not further adding to the pollution that comes from cars. That's all good.
But let’s face it: there are certain types of bicycle jockeys who would drive you demented. Even other cyclists think this subset is annoying. Hang around Dublin city on any day of the week and you’ll begin to notice that there are a few different types of bike-lovers that roam the streets.
From risk-takers to the overly cautious, certain cyclists have very special ways to try your patience. And while you may feel a certain kind of kinship with your fellow cyclists, we bet that friendly feeling quickly disappears when they do something that breaks the unspoken rules of city cycling etiquette.
Here are a few of the guys I'm talking about...
Ohhh you wild thing, you. You're all like, “look Mam, no hands!!”
Cyclists who insist on steering using only their thighs of steel should be banned. The handlebars on a bike are there for a very important reason, and we think it’s only fair that we have all hoped at one time or another that they eh, suddenly lose control of those risky steering abilities.
Or maybe we’re just jealous that we need both our arms to successfully ride a bike.
“DING DING DING!” The sounds of a bike bell should bring us to back to happier, sparkly-streamers on our bike days, but instead it is possibly the most irritating sound known to man. Or at least to the early-morning commuter.
Bells on a bike should be used only when absolutely necessary, yet there’s always that one bell-ringing-obsessed cyclist within earshot who thinks he’s Mozart on wheels.
Dressed all in black, no visible lights on their bike and no helmet?! The Ninja cyclists are possibly the worst of them all, adding extra stress to drivers who can barely see them as they zip past the car on a pitch-black evening.
Wonder why drivers hate cyclists so much? Blame the Ninjas for giving everyone else a bad rep. Just pop some front and rear lights on that rothar, would you?
We all know the one. They act like a pedestrian when it suits them, flying through red lights and nearly knocking everyone over in the process.
Plus, they leave you behind waiting at the lights like a sucker while they speed down the road.
These cyclists are also known to be guilty of cycling down a one way street and taking a shortcut on the footpath. Not okay.
They make Lance Armstrong look like an amateur with the amount of gear that they've got on.
Fancy finger-less gloves, the latest racing bike and head-to-toe Lycra that glows in the dark and has the logo of their cycling club printed on the back. Yes yes, it’s great that you have a hobby, but is it really necessary to go to such extremes for a city commute? You’re making the rest of look bad!
We pity the office that has one of these walking in – nobody should have to see a colleague in sweaty skintight neon on a Monday morning.
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