I was walking to work this morning when I came across something that made me want to dry heave.
I was strolling up Grafton Street when a gentleman in front of me nonchalantly turned his head and spat a monstrous, green wad of phlegm out of his mouth and let it splatter directly in front of my shoe.
I stopped in my tracks not only to avoid planting my foot in that viscous mess but also out of pure shock. Here was my thought process at that exact moment: what the actual fuck?
Let’s break that thought down a bit. When you hock a loogie on a public path you’re showing absolutely zero consideration for your fellow walkers. You’re just turning your head sideways and letting your snotty projectile fly with no care about where it may land or whose shoes might de defiled in the process. You’re being an ignorant prick, basically.
Walking the streets of Dublin already comes with enough obstacles, we don’t need gooey surprises making our lives any more difficult. You could slip on one of these gob rockets like a feckin’ banana skin, resulting in scarring both physical and emotional.
I’m personally of the opinion that excess snot should exit though the nose rather than the mouth – I guess I’m just old-fashioned like that.
Now I know what a great many of you are thinking right now: all this talk of hocking loogies is pretty damn disgusting. Well I can assure you that it’s even grosser to encounter in person.
Of course, there are times when it’s acceptable or necessary, during a match or when running in a marathon. But when you’re just casually walking through the city centre? That’s when you really need to cop on.
We have signs for picking up dog shite, maybe it’s time we posted notices reminding the public to keep their mucous to themselves.
Anyone else in favour of a Dublin free from lung oysters?