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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
Ah, the Stone Man.
An understated hero of the city scene, whose solemn presence at the bar in Whelan's has confused and excited the drunken population of Dublin in equal measure over the years.
This generation's answer to the moving statue of Mary at Ballinspittle has inspired some odd behaviour out of us all – and here are eight things we know DAMN well you've done before.
You've paid your cover charge, you've got your wrist stamped, and the DJ has just stuck on the horrifically underrated Freakin' Out by Graham Coxon – now it's time to grab a drink and get on the floor.
But here. What's the deal with yer man?
"What the fuck is this guy ordering, a slow-roasted pig?"
As the area by the door gets crowded, and the bar gets a little bit jostly, many of us have had moments where we've feared spilling the drink of the quiet old dude who was only there minding his own business.
"Sorry mate, didn't see... Oh"
You absolute nutter, you.
Right, now this is just getting out of hand.
Whoa – you're even more nutty than the person who stuck on the hat!
Oh. You were being serious.
You horrible, horrible person.
Well, desperate times, you know?
