Happy New Year!
So 2018 is upon us at last, thank God. But it wouldn't be a new year without a traditionally rough first day.
Here are the overly-obvious signs that today is New Year's Day.
1. You lost two hours sleep
You wandered the streets of Dublin trying every trick to get a taxi, but it just didn't work. You even tried to download UBER and bribe taxi drivers, but that didn't work either.
On the upside wandering around for two hours in the fresh air sobered you up slightly. You ended up getting in some random dude's car who claimed to be a taxi driver, but clearly wasn't.
2. Facebook is useless
You log in to a stream of people pouring their hearts out, people sharing their big plans for the year ahead and other lengthy notions that people have about themselves.
3. That didn't last long
You're not even twelve hours into the new year, but despite meticulous planning and extensive list making you have already broken one of your resolutions. Sure January 1 is always a cheat day anyway.
4. 358 days to go
You look at the wrinkled up Christmas tree in the corner and realise that all the magic has gone out of Christmas. It's over. To ram home the fact, the shops are already stocking Easter eggs.
Not only do you no longer know what day it is, but you're now struggling to even remember which year it is.
At least we're no longer in school where you had to write the date at the top of every page.
6. You will probably die today
You thought you'd experienced hangovers, but your advancing years and the mixture of Champagne, cheap wine and whatever cocktails you were drinking in the club make you feel like today could be the last day on earth.
7. You're still single
Despite all the dressing up, the snazzy party and the hope of kisses from strangers at midnight, you're still alone in bed reading this, wearing most of your clothes from last night.
8. Tell me there is brunch today
You know it's a public holiday but what does that mean for brunch? Are places open? Please don't say this means I'm going to have to cook myself? Is Spar even open? Oh this sucks.
9. "What was I THINKING?!"
You could have taken an extra day's holiday, but you thought it would be better to go back to work tomorrow and "save the day off" for later in the year. That means work tomorrow. Kill me now.
10. You're broke
You had some semblance of a plan to get through January on the last couple of hundred euros but after the cocktails, expensive taxi and buying friends shots, that is out the window. This is going to be a long January.
11. Walk it off...
No money, a hangover and a dose of reality needed. Okay, nothing for it but a good walk as is tradition today in Ireland. Although, depending on the weather that might be a problem too...
12. Roll over
It may be a bad start but it was always going to be this way. Another couple of hours sleep, some brunch and Lucozade... tomorrow the clean living starts. Better late than never.