18 Things That You’ll Instantly Recognise If You’re A Waitress

Working in the service industry is not for the faint-hearted.

If you’re easily tired, easily offended or easily angered, it’s safe to say that it’s probably not the right job for you.

That said, it can be good craic, keeps you fit and you can make some decent tips if you perfect the art of being happy ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

If you’ve ever been a waiter/waitress, you’ll agree with these….

1. You can find a job anywhere in the
world

Everyone needs to eat. So even if you
decide to quit your job and move to the Bahamas, chances are you’ll
find gainful employment in a few days.

2. Your social life consists of
drinking in the place you work

Restaurants are busiest at weekends. So
while all your mates are out on the town, you’re more likely to end
up drowning your sorrows in the leftover dregs of a bottle of Merlot
before you set up for the following morning.

3. The appearance of a child makes you
want to cry

They may be cute
but going on the hunt for a high-chair and some crayons while a chef
is yelling for service is nobody’s idea of a good time.

4. You become completely immune to
rudeness

People are the
worst. But you get used to it.

5. People who pay by credit card are a
pain in the arse

Yes, we know it’s
practical but it takes SO much longer. And if you split the bill and
all pay separately by card? Don’t come back. EVER.

6. The same goes for anyone who
gestures for the bill using their hands

Is it so hard to say please and thank
you?

7. And people who don’t tip

Yes, we’re getting
paid. The princely sum of €9.15 an hour, for rushing around and
tending to your every whim. Your cocktail probably cost double that.
If we made your experience a bit more special than normal, is it so
hard to recognise it?

8. The ‘chefs are scary, angry
creatures’ cliché is true

Not quite Gordon
Ramsey levels but it’s a high-pressure environment and sometimes,
pots can be thrown.

9. You make a real difference to
your customer’s day

Being a
waiter/waitress is more than just serving food. 

You are there for
some of the most important moments of people’s lives, from aiding and
abetting wedding proposals to offering a smile and a coffee to
someone who is having a tough week.

10. You get the absolute fear when you
have to open a bottle of wine at a table

It doesn’t matter
how many times you do it, it’s still awkward.

11. You somehow manage to go through 100
pens and notebooks in one shift

WHERE DO THEY GO?!

12. Being able to gauge whether a table
is finished is a life skill

You go to clear,
someone decides to try another mouthful. Every time.

13. You lie through your teeth when
asked for a recommendation

Mostly because
you’ve only eaten three things on the menu.

14. You smell like a mixture of grease
and fish after every shift

And it takes at
least two shampoos to get it out of your hair. The glamour.

15. Christmas party season is the worst

Drunk customers,
terrible singing, working Christmas Eve and Stephen’s Day. Need we go
on?

16. You have amazing bladder control

Toilet break? Only
after those two tables get menus, main courses go to table four and
you clean up that spill in the kitchen.

17. Your co-workers are your best
friends

Nothing will bond
a group quicker than dealing with a busy service. You take out your
anger on each other and then go on the beer. 

You’ve probably slept
with one or two of them as well.

18. Closing the door on a Sunday feels
like being let out of prison

Hallelujah!

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