Every week, we bring you your cheat-sheet to tonight's pub conversations – the hot topics that you just know are going to come up, and how you can bluff your way through them even if you haven't been following the news (or the internet) too closely this week...
Tayto's Crisp Sambo Shop (Part 1)
Mr Tayto opened a pop-up shop on Wicklow Street this week, selling crisp sandwiches for €2 with €1 from each sale going to the Simon Community. You can read our review here.
- What to say: "Ah it wouldn't be for me, now. Too many carbs, you know?"
- What not to say: "LET'S GO THERE RIGHT NOW!"
Ireland vs Zimbabwe
The Irish cricketers scored an unnecessarily tense World Cup win this morning, having held a super-impressive lead until Zimbabwe batsman Brendan Taylor stepped up to the crease. Yes, his name was Brendan Taylor.
Anyway, after coming hazardously close to squandering the must-win game, a masterclass in bowling from Alex Cusack forced two wickets and Ireland took the win. Just about. In the absence of rugby this weekend, it was a good workout for the heart.
- What to say: "That was a master-stroke from Porterfield, saving Cusack's last over for when it was needed most."
- What not to say: "Did the goalie play well?"
— Cricket Ireland (@Irelandcricket) March 7, 2015
Because the sun was out for more than eight minutes today.
- What to say: "Chanced the walk into town without a jacket today. Bit fresh, but worth it!"
- What not to say: "That's it, lads. Summer is here to stay. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's now NO WAY that it will rain in Ireland at all between now and October. No way whatsoever. At all."
The best event in the world – with the exception of our own, that is – is back up and running again. Is there anything better in life than a massive conference centre packed with the best doggies in the world? No. No there is not.
- What to say: Don't say anything. Just hold up your phone, swipe through images and say "HEEEEEE!"
- What not to say: "I don't really like dogs, to be honest."
— The Kennel Club (@TheKennelClubUK) March 7, 2015
The Vincent Browne Gorse Hill Showdown
Solicitor Brian O'Donnell has been in the spotlight this week, after Bank of Ireland sought repossession of his Killiney home in relation to debts that are allegedly clocking in at €70m. The move has been followed obsessively by Irish media over the week, and led to a particularly explosive encounter on Tonight With Vincent Browne during the week.
- What to say: "This, this, is why he's one of the most beloved journalists in the country... even when he's being ridiculous, he's entertaining. It's win-win!"
- What not to say: "You know, I agree with the guy from the New Land League. The house does look fairly bog-standard..."
Every group has one. Yup, some muppet is going to whip out his phone while you're in the middle of discussing the intricacies of the O'Donnell case, and ask the group with a big stupid grin on his face: "LADS! What colour does this look like to you?"
The Dress is more than a week old – making it more than a decade old in internet terms – and the discussion is more frustrating and boring at this point than going back over the Saipan incident. But like I say, every group has one.
- What to say: "Did you see the Salvation Army did an ad for domestic violence based on a model wearing the white-and-gold dress? Very effective altogether."
- What not to say: "That's really interesting! Hey, speaking of internet-based 'memes', has anyone seen this gif of a dancing baby?"
— TheSalvationArmySA (@SASalvationArmy) March 6, 2015
Tayto's Crisp Sambo Shop (Part 2)
This conversation takes on an entirely different complexion after a feed of pints.
- What to say: "LET'S GO THERE RIGHT NOW!"
- What not to say: "Ah it wouldn't be for me, now. Too many carbs, you know?"