The "Holy Shitballs" Burger - Blue Cheese, Potato Rosti, Mushroom And Red Chard

By niallharbison

December 20, 2016 at 12:10am

The "Holy Shitballs" Burger - Blue Cheese, Potato Rosti, Mushroom And Red Chard

  • High quality minced beef
  • Burger buns
  • Red Chard
  • Ballymaloe relish
  • Potatoes
  • Butter
  • Large mushroom
  • Thyme
  • Blue Cheese

Every week I like to test myself and make a big "fuck off burger" that is something you could only dream about eating. Rather than it being a fantasy though I've broken it down into simple steps so as you can make one of these bad boys for yourself. Only takes about 30 minutes and the ingredients are super simple. Look at it for fuck sake!!! How could you not want to put one of those into your mouth?


Step 1

Despite the end product looking incredible, and like something impossible to make, the ingredients are super simple. Get some good mince from the butcher and nice quality blue cheese. If you can't find red chard, spinach or kale would do.

Step 2

Peel the spuds. If you can't figure out how to do that there is no fucking hope for you!

Step 3

Grate them on the thickest side of the grater. Watch your little fingers!!

Step 4

The potatoes will have loads of water in them. Put them between your hands and squeeze it all out over the sink. The use a kitchen towel to pat off the excess. This is a hugely important step.

Step 5

Add some salt, pepper and thyme into the dry potato mix.

Step 6

Shape them into little burger shapes as compact as you possibly can.

Step 7

Throw a big knob (thats what she said!) into the frying pan with some olive oil and get it up to a medium heat. When the butter is melted lash in the potatoes. Do not touch them at all now for a good 3 minutes. They are very delicate and you want a nice brown exterior.

Step 8

Pick the stalk out of the mushrooms. There is a tiny layer of skin you can peel off the mushroom as well if you are being super precise.

Step 9

Pop the mushrooms in beside the potatoes.

Step 10

When you see the potatoes starting to brown up turn them over being very fucking careful with them.Leave the mushrooms cooking on their own as they need very little attention. The key here for both is that lovely brown nutty colour.

Step 11

The burgers are super simple and you want to start with the meat, generous with the salt and pepper, some thyme leaves and a good big dollop of the Ballymaloe relish to bind it.

Step 12

Get the frying pan nice and hot and lash in the burgers. We are keeping them pretty thin so as they actually fit in your mouth. They should take about 2 minutes on each side just to get the brown colour on it.

Step 13

Take everything off the heat and into an oven tray. Lash it all into the oven for about 5 minutes at 180C.

Step 14

Lash on a medium pan and throw in some butter and the chard. It will only take about 2 minutes to cook and all you are really doing is wilting it down.

Step 15

Grab the burger bits out of the oven and pile them up on top of each other. Be nice and neat and tidy.

Step 16

Pop a nice slice of the blue cheese on top. Don't be shy with it! Pop that back into the oven for about 30 seconds. All you are doing is melting the cheese at this stage!

Step 17

Toast the baps. You have everything you need to assemble the burger now. So good you can nearly taste it already!

Step 18

Lash a god big generous dollop of the relish onto the bottom bun.

Step 19

Throw the chard ontop of that and tell everybody to come to the table because they about about to eat the nicest thing they've ever tasted in their lives!

Step 20

Pop the burger, rosti, mushroom and cheese stack on top and then the lid to cap it all off!

Step 21

Serve it up immediately with a nice cold beer and life really doesn't get much better - not rocket science either!

Just think of the faces on the people you are serving when you come out of the kitchen with this creation! You'd think looking at it that it is mad unhealthy but apart from the red meat, small amount of butter and blue cheese you could be eating a lot worse! Its a huge weekend treat and you need to try one right now! Give it a lash!


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