We're pretty sure when you become a mother in Ireland you're given a list of sayings that you must use in front of your children.
It's the only logical explanation.
After all, there are so many 'mammyisms' that seemingly every Irish mother keeps cocked and ready for every conceivable situation.
1. "What's for you won't pass you"
This rather profound statement basically means "everything happens for a reason", but rephrased in a more mammy-ish way.
2. "It was far from [insert modern convenience] I was reared"
The mothers of this island have no time for youthful pretensions.
Mobile telephones now, is it? You didn't get your notions from her side of the family.
3. "Sure it won't kill you"
Maybe it's a slice of toast that fell on the floor that she wants you to eat or you've sustained a rather nasty leg wound, either way your ma is a harsh mistress.
She'll tolerate no melodrama in her household.
4. "Are you wearing a coat?"
She asks rhetorically when she can clearly see that you are not, in fact, wearing a coat.
5. "Don't make me get out the wooden spoon!"
Your mother's weapon of choice, the thing every Irish kid fears most in the world.
6. "Twasn't off the stones she licked it"
Much like the expression "the apple didn't fall far from the tree", an Irish mammy uses this phrase to smugly pass judgement on the children of their neighbours.
7. "Are ye off gallivanting?"
This saying was cleverly designed to make Irish children cringe with embarrassment.
8. "Great drying in that weather"
In the mind of an Irish mammy, the best part of any sunny day its ability to speed up the rate of drying clothes on the washing line.
And she feels the need to share that fact with anyone who'll listen.
9. "Don't sit on the ground — you'll get a chill in your kidneys!"
We're beginning to have doubts that this was the soundest medication advice.
10. "Who's 'she'? The cat's mother?!"
Irish mothers are notoriously prickly when it comes to being referred to in personal pronouns.
To celebrate Mother's Day, Maltesers is letting you make your own personalised boxes of their chocolates this Friday March 24 in Tesco Arklow and Saturday 25 in Tesco Killarney and Tesco Express Dundalk.
Cos nothing says "I love you, Mam" like a box of chocolates that literally has her name on it.