If you claim to never have been hangry, you're a liar.
Hanger is a dangerous thing. It is a perilious state of existence that appears out of nowhere and causes you set the house on fire just because someone looked at you, or at least you think they did?
Wait, did they? Oh damn, the gaff's been burned to the ground now. Ah well!
So here are just some of the things we are all guilty of doing when hangry...
1. Destroy relationships with those we love the most
I mean your significant other is clearly just antagonising you by offering you different takeaway options without any food ever appears. "WHY ISN'T OUR FOOD HERE YET?"
Just go lock yourself in the bathroom until the food arrives to avoid a breakup. Plus, that way you won't have to answer the door to the delivery man.
2. Go to Ikea – leave with a new lamp, and a divorce
Oh what a fool you were, thinking that 'a quick visit out to Ikea' would be fruitful on an empty stomach. Shoulda stopped for some of their Swedish meatballs, mate!
3. Resent everyone, even the birds in the trees
Seriously, they're out to get you.
4. Eat sugary items to make the problem even worse
Sure like you're going to dinner in two hours, but those seventeen Chomps will really tide you over in the meantime. It's perfect like, they'll give you loads of en...er...gyyyyyyy.
5. Finally decide on a restaurant but then leave in a huff when there's a seven-minute wait
It's fine, I'm not even that hungry anyway.
*Chews off hand*
6. Question your life, your job, your relationships, your pet, and wonder if there will ever be good in the world again
And deep down you truly fear there will not.
7. Attempt to walk upstairs but quit halfway
This is your Everest.
8. Talk incessantly about food and nothing else...
Mostly to yourself. Muttering? Me?
9. Completely overlook any dietary restrictions all in the name of hangriness
I mean, you were on the Paleo diet but sure look, no-one needs to know!
10. Not know whether to nap or cry about your lack of nap
I mean if you can't have food, maybe sleep is the answer? Nobody wants to be tired, hungry AND angry.
11. And last but not least, weep uncontrollably at the unfairness of your sorry little hangry situation.
Why do bad things happen to good people?