Feature

20th Dec 2016

14 Times Irish Telly Made Us Facepalm Together As A Nation

katedemolder

Irish telly.

A treasure trove of awkward wonderfulness, and wonderful awkwardness.

Beyond that simple statement, this piece needs no intro…

1. Everything about Paul from Fade Street

Lest we forget.

2. Every time Spiral spoke

You may remember good old DJ Spiral. The young, spunky Finglas rapper/DJ combo who shot to international fame with an appearance on Big Brother 7 in year 2006.

Spiral was known to have the shortest temper in reality TV history, and it made for some cracking good watching.

Clinging tightly to the tail coats of fame, Spiral went on to release a single called Finglas (of course) and it was the best thing that ever happened.

3. When Nadine Coyle lied about her age on Popstars

Pre-Girls Aloud and Jesse Metcalfe, Nadine Coyle was once just a Derry schoolgirl who was desperate for fame.

Possibly one of the most heart-breaking videos of our time, this forgotten clip from 2009 shows Coyle (then 16) lying about her age in order to comply with the strict regulations of the show’s producers. Makes for some awkward watching.

Who knew those sweet foundations lips could lie so convincingly? Like a modern Jessica Lovejoy.

4. When Dani called Louise an uptight bitch on Fade Street

Yes indeed, Fade Street was indeed the gift that kept on giving. Who knew a conversation starting with “we have wine or dry cider” could end up so poorly?

Including Dani’s infamous “who d’ya think ya are like?”, directed at co-star (and our former colleague here in Lovin Dublin) Louise Johnston.

5. When Roz Purcell promised her team that if they won, she’d wear a bikini to the next training session on Celebrity Bainisteoir

So they obviously played a blinder and annihilated the other team.

In an episode dubbed ‘Bikini Bainsteoir’ Roz strips down to togs to fulfil her side of the glorious deal.

6. When Nikita and Cormac had an argument over 46 eggs on Tallafornia

Plucky 19-year-old Nikita Murray and Cormac ‘The Corminator’ Branigan of Tallafornia fame were a volatile duo to say the least. This particular argument arose after Corm didn’t strictly adhere to the shopping list.

And the editors bleeping out the middle finger she gives him at the end is just the cherry on the cake.

7. When Mary Byrne crushed X Factor

Less facepalm, more face-BEAM.

What a moment for Ireland’s morale that was – and just look at the glee in Louis’s eyes. Like a Care Bear on speed.

8. The Irish episode of Super Sweet 16

Only once in a blue moon does something so magical and life-changing occur to the people of Ireland that we are left properly speechless. The Kilkenny episode of Super Sweet 16 was one of them.

Featuring 500 guests in a five-star hotel, €100,000 presents, €1,200 dresses and with no expense spared, the Cardillo family from Leggettsrath went to extraordinary lengths to satisfy their three darling girls.

Notable quotes included eldest daughter Claudia mention in passing to the other two: “It’s my party, you’re just in it”, and younger sister Nadia mentioning the trouble her sister has in finding the right look: “She just jets off to Paris to see her friends and to shop, because there aren’t any good shops in Kilkenny.”

Throw in a terrible performance by Wiley and a hissy fit thrown after being livid that she only got a horse, and you’ve the makings of some cracking Celtic Tiger television.

9. Everything from Dublin Housewives

A show that surprised us all and actually aired.

In case you missed it, the series comprised mostly of smoky eyes and notions. Dublin Housewives was everything we neither wanted nor needed out of evening telly.

And for those of you who haven’t a clue what we’re on about – all of the shows are miraculously available on YouTube. Aren’t you lucky.

10. Niall Horan’s first X Factor audition

Between the flat midlands accent saying ‘Beyoncé’, the first name basis with Katy Perry and the coy ‘all right, Dublin?’ at the beginning, this audition has four yesses from us.

It’s also a good reminder that being a chancer fucking works.

11. When Kevin from Galway stole the show on What’s Snots, The Den

The Den was a staple in all Irish homes for any kids under the age of 18. It had everything from The Morbegs to Sabrina and was certainly responsible for bringing us young Irish children up well rounded.

The Den occasionally did over the phone competitions, one of which got particularly out of hand.

Watch to the end, trust us.

12. When Ray Foley got some fella into You’re A Star

So two lads got into You’re A Star bootcamp from calling into The Ray Foley Show, one dropped out because he wanted to give his mate a chance, and the guy who actually auditioned didn’t wait around to hear the answer because he had to “fly down to Cork, like”.

Oh, Ireland.

13. When Ronan O’Gara said this about his wife Jessica on The Late Late Show

Go to 00:23 to hear the question, and then listen to ROG’s answer.

Wouldn’t you only murder him.

14. And finally, when we sent a turkey to the Eurovision

What starts off as a soft ballad, quickly transforms into a sexy techno track highlighting the best parts of Ireland and fellow Eurovision contestants.

Still not entirely sure if this was a piss take or not, but one would sincerely hope with that Mardi Gras get up fashioned out of tricolour feather boas.

Go on you… good thing?