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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
It's all well and good to talk about the best places to get the ride in Dublin – but where do you go and do the deed itself?
So today we wanted to help the frisky couples amongst you who either don't have somewhere quiet to enjoy an intimate moment, or just like seizing any lustful opportunity. Here are the top 10 places to get a sneaky ride when out and about in Dublin...
Just make sure you don't get caught.
One for the outdoorsy types amongst you. Park up and go on a quick 10-minute hike to one of the secluded spots in the woods. An ideal spot would be behind one of the large rocks that can conceal you as you admire the view of Dublin.
Watch out for: Zipliners. Adventurous bastards.
You'll want to get here during the day and pick the worst film you possibly can. If you are really lucky you might just be the only two people in there.
Watch out for: Flashlights in the aisle.
This ticks so many boxes because the toilets are upstairs away from all the punters and are very spacious. With the pumping music downstairs, there's no chance anybody will be onto you. Order the bucket of chicken before you head up so as you have some much needed sustenance when you come back down beaming.
Watch out for: Other frisky couples that have the same idea.
Dublin airport probably sounds like an unlikely spot for the ride but if you need a little privacy, they rent rooms by the hour here. Anywhere else in the city that would be frowned upon, but you'll blend in with the crowd here as you go about your sneaky business.
Watch out for: Charges rising by the hour, so get the business done in 59 minutes and get out as quick as you can. Romance can wait for another day.
It's one of the largest city parks in the world so we should be using it for more than jogging or walking the dog. Find a nice secluded spot and bring a blanket, so when you're putting in a performance worthy of your country you can admire the Aras as well
Watch out for: A deer's antler... or Michael D, who wouldn't be mad, just disappointed.
Intellectual people need to ride too, and the good thing about these sorts of buildings is that the toilets and secluded aisles are often super clean and well kept.
You're going to need to keep your emotions under control, though, as any noise will quickly get you caught.
Watch out for: Paper cuts
The key here is to grab lots of clothes, adopting an air of intent to purchase, and walking into the changing rooms as if you own them with your partner there to "give you a second opinion". Time isn't going to be your friend here so get straight down to business.
Watch out for: Super-helpful sales assistants popping in to offer advice or different sizes
Students are at it all the time with their overactive libido, spare time and drinking so you'll fit in here no matter what age you are. You could pick lots of nice places in Trinity but up on the roof of the Trinity Museum is a top spot with ample gorgeous views for you both.
Watch out for: A partner who suffers with vertigo
You might be in the early stage of the relationship and not even have a bed to call your own but that doesn't mean your partner doesn't want to dream big.
Clean up the car, push the seats as far forward as you possibly can before you pick them up and head to one of the two richest suburbs in Dublin. As you get down to business look at the sea, the big houses and dream about your future life together.
Watch out for: Bono
Nobody's ever quite sure how you get there, but through one of the smaller side bars in Coppers there is a way upstairs to the rooms of the Jackson Court Hotel – and the much quieter toilets, utility cupboards and what have you.
Roll with the passion.
Watch out for: Other couples queueing for exactly the same thing.
