Dublin

20th Dec 2016

23 Stages You’ll Definitely Go Through When House-Hunting In Dublin

mariemadden

They say moving house is one of the most traumatic experiences that a person will go through in their lifetime.

And in particular, anyone has been looking for a house in Dublin lately will surely agree.

From viewing ‘cosy’ studio apartments that make you feel like you’ve been buried alive to handing over a year’s wages for a deposit, here are the 23 stages that absolutely every house-hunter will go through in their bid to find a place called home.

1. The moment of truth

Maybe you’ve moved across the country or maybe you just can’t stand your passive-aggressive clean freak housemate anyway – either way, you’ve been forced to accept: it’s time to find a new place.

Time to get packing.

2. The ‘simple’ wishlist

What do you need? Somewhere right in the heart of Ranelagh with a double room, decent common area, a few sound flatmates and a rent that doesn’t require a second job. Not much to ask.

3. The foolish enthusiasm

Maybe the new place will have a bit of outdoor space… and maybe a fire. Yeah. I definitely need a fire.

4. The first step

Hi Enthusiast House-hunter, meet DAFT.ie. This is a website that will crush all of your dreams at the mere touch of a button.

Have fun!

5. The disbelief

How in the name of all that is holy can there be only three listings for a two-bed apartment under €1,500?!

It must be broken or something…

6. The slow realisation

Oh, it’s not.

You just can’t rent in this part of Dublin now unless you earn in a month what Denis O’Brien makes in a year.

READ: This Facebook Post Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like Searching For A Room In Dublin

7. The false start

That one’s lovely… and cheap!

And… built on to the side of a crematorium… and the bathroom is in a separate room… which is a shed… at the end of the garden. Never mind.

8. The dead silence

It’s the perfect house, only a few hundred people have viewed the ad – this is the one, you can feel it. You send off a message and are met with… nothing.

Why does this hurt so much?

9. The settling

Terenure is pretty much the same as Ranelagh, right?

10. The first viewings

You have five apartments to look at over the weekend.

One of them will be great and you’ll be moved in by the end of next week. People were really exaggerating about this lack of housing – there are loads of options!

11. The ambivalence

The first one is nice, ticks the boxes but there’s nothing really special about it. You can do better than this.

12. The settling #2

Knocklyon is pretty much the same as Terenure, right?

13. The dawning realisation

Oh is it that one there? That looks lovely. No, it’s the dingy one beside it. No, it’s a converted apartment inside the dingy one. Is that a washing machine in the bedroom?

14. The panic

Sh*te, that first one wasn’t so bad. Why aren’t they answering the phone now? Damn it.

NOW IS THE TIME TO PANIC!

15. The settling #3

Stepaside is pretty much the same as Knocklyon, right?

READ: 18 Housemates From Hell We’ve All Had To Live With At Some Stage

16. The envy

Who are those other people waiting? That couple look more responsible than us… they’ll probably get the place now.

Assholes.

17. The elation

You’ve found the one! It’s clean, reasonable and in your dream area. Well, kinda.

Better still… you reckon you’ve charmed the pants off the landlord. This is it. TAKE MY MONEY!

18. The waiting game

They said they’d call, what haven’t they called?

You are reliving your teenage years, and you don’t like it one bit.

19. The self-doubt

It’s been three days. Still no word. What did you do wrong? Maybe they didn’t like your shoes, maybe you laughed too much at that awful joke about the All-Ireland. This is worse for your ego than a bad night on Tinder.

Time to give up. Move on.