It's taken a few years, but we reckon that Dublin has reached peak hipster, and we're not able for it...
1. If you order a drink out it's invariably served in a jam jar
What, pray tell, is wrong with a normal glass?
2. And even at that, you can't get a regular drink that isn't a 'homemade' lemonade or a 'cooler'. Whatever that is.
Ah would ye STOP. I just want a regular Coke.
3. Menus now come on clipboards or business cards... but never a good aul' foldy piece of card
4. And you can't get a bog-standard salad for love nor money
Lentils? Quinoa? Kumquats? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE LETTUCE?
5. On that topic, kale seems to have infiltrated every dish in Dublin
Remember when kale was something your Mam only made you eat with mashed potatoes around Halloween?
6. Aeropress coffee
You meet your friend at a café for a quick catchup, but they order an aeropress... so you stand there for 20 minutes like a spare tit waiting for it to be fully filtered. It's grand, like, it's not like you have a job to go back to.
7. Ketchup has become obsolete
The Chef vs Heinz battle is a relic of the past; instead, every restaurant in the city is flogging its own homemade relishes and sauces instead.
8. It's easier to get a burrito than a litre of milk
We've more burrito 'bars' than corner shops at this stage.
9. We're hellbent on pulling every meat to death
What did the poor pig ever do to anybody to deserve to be mangled in such a way? And it looks like pulled chicken is about to become the next big thing.
10. Getting your dinner on a plate also seems to be a thing of the past...
11. And asking for a pint of 'the usual' can be tricky
"We have 42 different types of craft beers... but no, we don't serve this 'Guinness' of which you speak."
12. But it's grand because we can get prosecco on tap
Once again: Notions.
13. And God help you if you're looking for a basic G&T
It's Fever Tree or nothing, kid.
14. At some point every bar decided they didn't want matching furniture
And the older the furniture the more uncomfortable it is.
It's grand, we weren't planning on using our lower backs for the rest of our lives or anything.
15. And 'distressed' furniture is all the rage in pubs, but more often than not that just means your table will be dirty
Yet they're oddly obsessed with making sure you use coasters.
16. And we don't even know what to say about the ironing board table outside P. Mac's
17. Or the old beds combined with pallets that Blackbird uses as tables in the smoking area
18. There is a rollie epidemic
Boxes of Amber Leaf litter the streets, and nobody asks to bum a cigarette – it's all about the filters and skins.
19. Every guy with a beard thinks he's either a viking, Conor McGregor, or even worse: a combination of both
20. We now have more barbershops than jewellers
And stylised man buns are taking over as a result.
22. Shoes have disappeared from the very face of our society – whether in work, out to dinner, or to the club, it's all about runners
New Balance or GTFO.
23. And the humble mountain bike is a thing of the past
Everyone's cycling flashy fixies, and are then astounded when their bike worth €1,500 gets nicked after they left it unlocked on South William Street