You know the drill. You've been staring longingly at the sunshine all day, and clock off time isn't too far away. And you're GASPING for a pint.
The only problem? You can't find any willing accomplices, as your colleagues all seem dead set on being 'responsible' and 'sober' on the first day on the workweek.
Well, have no fear – thanks to our indispensable strategic guide to arm-twisting, you shall not drink alone!
1. LOOK OUT THE WINDOW
Seriously. That stone is quite literally splitting before your very eyes.
2. It’s a five-day week and that, like, never happens during summer – you deserve this
One day down, four more to go until you can do THIS again.
That's cause for celebration, surely?
3. The Barge has always been there for you, so why wouldn’t you be there for The Barge?
How could you say no to this?
Pints in The Barge on a Sunny Day. The best poem Kavanagh never wrote. pic.twitter.com/7IkswtRRPA
— Aidan (@AidanCoughlan) April 9, 2015
4. We’ll talk about you if you don’t
Like, nothing mean or anything. But. You know how people can be after a few drinks…
5. Nobody will suspect you’re hungover on a Tuesday
They’ll just assume you’re pregnant or dying or something.
6. Your boss will get to know the human side of you
You know what they say: Personality is half a promotion.
No, really they do say that.
What do you mean where? On the internet. I think.
7. There’ll be space in the beer gardens tonight
You won’t be getting anywhere near them on Thursday, Friday or Saturday like.
8. You know, you’re not getting any younger
In a few years from now, you won’t even have the option of going for drinks after work; you’ll shrivel up after one glass of wine, and fall asleep in the canal and die.
You want to enjoy your last remaining years, don’t you?
9. How could you say no to this view from The Marker?
Let's watch the sunset together. Like REAL friends.
10. The gym will still be there when it gets cloudy
Sure you look good-ish anyway; you don’t need the gym.
11. Your family/other half/children/dog will still be there when it gets cloudy
Dogs evolved from wolves, kids evolved from monkeys, and both those animals can find their own food – they’ll be FINE, trust me.
12. The re-run of CSI you recorded the other night will still be there when it gets cloudy
The Leaving Cert is nearly over, and the sun is going to be gone for good once that happens. So why not make hay?
13. Drinking is cool
Didn’t you learn anything in school?
14. You have all that suncream you bought on holiday last year, and nothing to do with it
That stuff goes out of date, you know.
15. You only have to stay for one
I’ll probably just stay for the one myself.
16. The first sip of a pint outside Kehoe’s on a Dublin summer day is the best feeling known to humankind
You like good things, don’t you? You seem like the sort of person who likes good things.
17. Sharon/Mark is trying to hook up with that guy/girl you fancy
Just an FYI.
18. And so is Orla/Steve
Just an AFYI.
Also. Also for your information.
What, you’d never heard that before? Yeah, it’s a thing. I learned it on a night out with my colleagues.
19. Basically if you leave him/her unattended, he’ll be lost to you forever
Sharon/Mark/Orla/Steve are formidable opponents – if they get the claws in, you’re screwed.
20. You don’t want to die alone, do you?
21. Like, you’re really not getting any younger
Last week when you were shopping, you evaluated your new jacket on an estimated cost-per-wear basis. Seriously, pal. Tick tock.
22. Think of all the good times we’ve had over drinks in the past!
Remember the time we went back into the office at 2.30am and set off the fire extinguisher, then you got sick on Mark’s desk and fell asleep in the boardroom and we both got official written warnings?
That was fun, wasn’t it? The craic, like!
23. I thought we were friends
I thought those memories meant something to you.
24. It’s fine actually, don’t come
25. No really. You’re not invited anyway. It’s more of an accounts thing.
More of a Sharon/Mark/Orla/Steve affair, you know.
Yes, I said affair.
26. No, honestly, we’re cool! I totally understand.
27. Ugh, LOOK HOW SUNNY IT IS!
LOOK AT IT!
Literally EVERYONE in the city is doing this exact pose right now. Except you.
28. Go on…
29. Go on…
30. Go on…
I knew you liked me really.