10 Things A Kid Needs To Get On The Late Late Toy Show
Are you a precocious, cheeky 7-year-old who's fluent in Irish and dresses like an adult farmer? If so, you're gonna be a star
It's every Irish kid's dream to get on The Late Late Toy Show, which is taking place next Friday.
The lucky few who are chosen get to play with the mountains of toys on set and meet celebrities like, um, Jedward probably.
It was announced a while back that The Late Late Toy Show was scouting for talented kids to take part in this year's show, but we all know it takes more than mere talent to make a star.
To steal our nation's hearts, here's what you'll need.
10. General cuteness
We know there are plenty of mamagers out there who want to live vicariously through their offspring, so take note: if a kid is going to make it onto the Toy Show, they'll need to be an absolute darling.
9. A winning smile
Wouldn't kill ya to loose a few of those baby teeth. The fully grown adults wearing elf costumes in the crowd will eat that shit up.
8. An agricultural twist
A farmer? Who's a kid? On television?! Now this I gotta see.
We're all familiar with children who are playful and, y'know, childish; they're showbiz's equivalent of white noise. If you really want to stand apart, you need to be intense. Like scary intense.
This kid appeared on the Toy Show a few years back and she could kick all our asses.
6. Poor co-ordination
Do you know a child that's unable to hold a toy without breaking it, and if you place them next to a pile of toys are they likely to knock over everything? If so, sign them up for the Toy Show immediately.
Bonus points if they look like they have absolutely no idea what's going on at any given moment.
5. To be dressed like an adult
They're small yet they're wearing big people clothes. Comic gold.
4. The ability to speak Irish
Works for the Rose of Tralee, it works for the Toy Show.
3. To be a superfan
Just make sure to include in your application form that your kid absolutely loves a particular celebrity, but a celebrity that's at a low enough level of fame that RTÉ could easily ask them to make an appearance. Then you simply have to wait for your kid to be invited to the show.
Just make sure they feign surprise when Brian McFadden walks out on stage.
Anyone who believes that Ryan Tubridy actually likes presenting The Late Late Toy Show is an idiot. How entertaining the show is depends entirely on the kids, and if they feel like wetting themselves, crying, or not facing the camera, old Tubs has to roll with the punches: the Toy Show is a showman's nightmare.
What really gives Tubridy a bit of a boost during a tough show is when he comes across a kid who's up for a bit of banter, a little tike that's willing to give the presenter some shit.
Even JohnJoe himself, the legendary watch enthusiast, ribbed Tubs for not owning a Rolex.
1. The X factor
Every good Toy Show kid needs a certain je ne sais quoi, but the beauty is you can fake that with a bit of practice. Even teaching them to do some kind of routine should do it.
I dunno, maybe they could learn how to say all the counties in Ireland or something...
The Late Late Toy Show is happening this Friday, November 27.