9 Recession Indicators That’ll Scare You Into Starting a Pension

The classic “Lipstick Index” (a theory by Estée Lauder’s Leonard Lauder from post-9/11) is being hauled out again, twisted into memes about short shorts, cheap thrills, and nostalgia for early 2000s pop culture.

So we thought we’d wade into the discourse with our own very scientific and incredibly serious guide to the recession indicators we’ve seen cropping up all across the city.

Gird your loins, we’re in for a bumpy one.

9. There’s a Queue for the Microwave

Suddenly it feels like everyone in the office has started bringing in their lunch. Yiz are all elbowing each other out of the way at 13:03 to see who can get there before someone explodes their soup all over it. Nothing spells ‘incumbent doom’ quite like people skimping on the sambo that is their only reprieve from the ‘circle back’ jerk who keeps turning the air con off.

8. Ryanair's Micro Baggage Allowance

The last recession was full of people finding ways to get around Ryanair’s minute charges, lest we forget when they tried to charge people to pee on flights. Recently they’ve shrunk baggage down to so small people are making bags where the wheels come off just to fit in the measuring box of shame. Smells like a recession to me.

7. The Suffix “flation” is Everywhere

6. The Food Truck Bubble Has Burst

5. The Return of Voucher Diners

4. The Bouillon Comeback

Stock cubes are spenny. Making your own stock from scratch is a lot of killowatt hours. People have instead been advocating for boullion. Cheap, practical, and filled with flavour; but also they just don’t slap as hard. Economists cite this as a ‘downgrade’ which is a textbook recession red flag.

3. Pint-Glass Crime Spree

2. Your Leapcard is Always in the Red

If topping up your Leapcard by a tenner every few days has become your version of financial planning, you're officially living the recession dream. Constantly flirting with a negative balance is a recession indicator. Congratulations. Economists call this the "substitution effect," or the "I’m barely surviving till payday" indicator.

1. Everyone’s Suddenly a Recession Expert

Nothing says a recession is coming like people saying a recession is coming over and over again. In memes, in articles, in short form videos, long form video essays, insta carousels. It’s that chatter that stops people spending their money frivolously and as soon as people, en masse, tighten their belts the recession sets in.

Everything is a recession indicator if you want it to be; even this article.