9 Recession Indicators That’ll Scare You Into Starting a Pension

The classic “Lipstick Index” (a theory by Estée Lauder’s Leonard Lauder from post-9/11) is being hauled out again, twisted into memes about short shorts, cheap thrills, and nostalgia for early 2000s pop culture.

So we thought we’d wade into the discourse with our own very scientific and incredibly serious guide to the recession indicators we’ve seen cropping up all across the city.

Gird your loins, we’re in for a bumpy one.

9. There’s a Queue for the Microwave

Suddenly it feels like everyone in the office has started bringing in their lunch. Yiz are all elbowing each other out of the way at 13:03 to see who can get there before someone explodes their soup all over it. Nothing spells ‘incumbent doom’ quite like people skimping on the sambo that is their only reprieve from the ‘circle back’ jerk who keeps turning the air con off.

8. Ryanair's Micro Baggage Allowance

The last recession was full of people finding ways to get around Ryanair’s minute charges, lest we forget when they tried to charge people to pee on flights. Recently they’ve shrunk baggage down to so small people are making bags where the wheels come off just to fit in the measuring box of shame. Smells like a recession to me.

7. The Suffix “flation” is Everywhere

Shrink-flation, skimp-flation, stag-flation. Enshittification. There are so many new phenomenons that basically means the quality of everything is going down down down while the prices go up up and away. Or stay still. What could spell “RECESSION” more than us collectively creating words for all the ways capitalism is bleeding us dry?

6. The Food Truck Bubble Has Burst

Remember when everyone was setting up their own food truck to live their best Chef (the movie) life? Every empty car park was overtaken by a millennial with a dream selling €9 kimchi sliders. Well if you’ve been on any second hand websites recently you’ll know that bubble detonated spectacularly. Adverts.ie is now littered with artisanal food trucks, abandoned like metal ghosts of economic optimism past.

5. The Return of Voucher Diners

Vouchers are back baby. People are listing more deals on voucher websites. More people are buying them again. Once defunct deal dealing sites have resurrected themselves, zombie-like, haunting our restaurant experiences with awkward vouchers exchanges. This says more economic anxiety than official stats ever could. If discount dining is the new normal, the economy must be begging for mercy.

4. The Bouillon Comeback

Stock cubes are spenny. Making your own stock from scratch is a lot of killowatt hours. People have instead been advocating for boullion. Cheap, practical, and filled with flavour; but also they just don’t slap as hard. Economists cite this as a ‘downgrade’ which is a textbook recession red flag.

3. Pint-Glass Crime Spree

Casually swiping pint glasses from pubs has been on the rise for a while. People have been so shameless about it they’ve even been making videos about it. Some would argue its because when people feel ripped off they feel entitled to more. Even if its only the publicans they’re hurting not the conglomerates. Petty theft is now less crime, more grassroots economic protest. Call it DIY wealth redistribution.

2. Your Leapcard is Always in the Red

If topping up your Leapcard by a tenner every few days has become your version of financial planning, you're officially living the recession dream. Constantly flirting with a negative balance is a recession indicator. Congratulations. Economists call this the "substitution effect," or the "I’m barely surviving till payday" indicator.

1. Everyone’s Suddenly a Recession Expert

Nothing says a recession is coming like people saying a recession is coming over and over again. In memes, in articles, in short form videos, long form video essays, insta carousels. It’s that chatter that stops people spending their money frivolously and as soon as people, en masse, tighten their belts the recession sets in.

Everything is a recession indicator if you want it to be; even this article.