13 Absolute Lies Your Siblings Fed You When You Were A Kid

'Swallowed chewing gum stays in your stomach for seven years'

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Being one in a family of many can be tough on a kid. Sharing attention and constant pressure to be on top would make anyone want to take the other parties down.

Absolutely every single one of us have dealt, and been dealt pure and utter rubbish over the years to our siblings, just because. And don't think only children had it so great, cousins are little fuckers too.

Here are 13 lies that siblings have told us over the years when we were kids.

1. 'You know you're adopted, right?'

The obvious. The staple. The king.

During your early years, you're told one day you look like Mum, the next you look like Dad, and the following you look like Uncle Darragh - of course it's going to be a complete and utter disaster when an older sibling confirms your worst fears and tells you you're adopted.

Cue months of comparing photos and years of pent up teenage angst pretending you're 'troubled'.

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(In fact, one member of the Lovin Dublin team confessed to taking this a step further, and actually printing off a fake adoption certificate for his unfortunate younger sister... wow)

2. 'Swallowed chewing gum stays in your stomach for seven years'

A foul mixture of guilt and shame.

Of course, you'll get the last laugh because you'll find that you congratulate yourself every birthday for passing another piece of Extra.

Well done, body.

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3. 'The cat can talk, it just doesn't do it when you're around'

Simple yet effective. An unadulterated amount of time will be spent creeping up on your family feline and a slow decline into madness will soon follow suit.

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4. 'Mum and dad can read your thoughts'

MINDFUCK.

READ-THOUGHTS

5. 'Nettles don't actually sting'

Saved for the truly, truly evil – particularly when there was a ball/frisbee/doll/other sibling that needed retrieving.

Doc leaves = necessary.

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6. 'If you put shampoo on dry hair, it falls out'

The poor child in question will absolutely drown themselves in water (if not tears) before going anywhere near the shampoo bottle itself. Years of nervous showering to follow.

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7. 'If you eat the seeds of an apple, a tree grows inside you'

Planting the ultimate fucking seed of doom basically.

Days after eating aforementioned fruit, you're just waiting for a hulk-esque transformation which involves a whole tree trunk shooting out of your mouth. So much so that you're almost ready to start your new life as shruberry.

apple

8. 'Heads I win, tails you lose'

Well that sounds perfectly fa... WAIT A MINUTE.

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9. [at 3am] 'Wake up! Wake up, you're late for school!'

Sure isn't it just GAS when you see a toddler scrambling to get into their elasticated uniform and dawn hasn't even bloody broken yet.

This is the reason you have trust issues.

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10. 'Eating grass makes you run faster'

Sure horses do it and they're pretty fast right? Logical, and more importantly BELIEVABLE.

Bellends.

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11. 'If you collect enough 20p coins you would get a pony'

Because there was a horse on the 20p coins, remember?

To be fair, it's technically true..

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12. 'Broccolis are baby trees'

This changes the way you look at everything. Are lemons tiny melons?

Are cars tiny trains?!

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13. 'There's a man in the attic who comes out at night'

Replace attic with basement, replace man with dragon... whatever the variation, this nugget served no purpose other than to scare you so much that your adulthood would be nothing but a continuous series of fear.

LIARS.

ICE-CREAM

Written By

Kate Demolder

Kate is a contributing writer here at Lovin Dublin. You are as likely to see her indulging in some of Dublin’s finer establishments, as well as panic-exercising the day after.

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