I was walking through Dublin airport this morning (30th November remember) when I saw a huge group of women heading back to the UK after a hen weekend in Dublin. Every single one of them was wearing a Christmas jumper (some with lights) and it got me thinking about the whole trend and how annoying it is. Just like Movember, Hipsters and the Celtic Tiger, every trend must come to an end. What started as a quirky way for a handful of people to express themselves has quickly moved to mass consumerism and I can only pray that this is the last year of the dreaded Christmas jumper. Here are 15 of the reasons why I hate them so much now...
1.It Was Hilarious In 2010
Remember when the really cool guy or girl walked into office a week before Christmas wearing the super cute reindeer jumper instead of their formal suit and everybody spent the day laughing along with them and thinking they were a legend? That was 4 years ago. Things get boring.
2.It Ruins The Magic Of Wearing Them On Xmas Day Itself
After the jumper has been worn in the office for weeks, been puked on in nightclubs and slept in on multiple occasions it just doesn't have the same lovely warm feel to it on the big day itself. Save it for the one really special day.
Walk around Dublin in the 2 weeks before Christmas and you'll see gangs of people stumbling around all looking the same with as much imagination in their outfit as dead fish. Also watch out for Dublin pubs like AnSEO banning people on 12 pub crawls. Jumper = not getting in.
4.Because This Guy Will Never Have His Beaten
He went to the bother of building a place for his iPhone within his jumper. In fairness you'd want to give him a serious hug but this won't be topped.
5.Tesco, Lidl And Every Other Shop Are Selling Them Now
You used to have to go to great lengths to get a good one but they are now being massed produced all over the world and being sold in every shop you could ever imagine.
6.It's Way Too Busy And Hot To Be Wearing A Jumper In A Pub
Because it's cold outside you have to wear a good few layers underneath, so by the time you put 100 people in a pub with the heat pumping and people sweating you realise wearing a shit quality woollen jumper that you can't take off is complete mare.
7.How The Fuck Do You Wash A Christmas Jumper?
Most people don't have a clue who to wash the fecking things? Hand wash or put them in the normal machine and ruin it? Complete pain in the arse.
8.People Wearing Them In November
Just like the general commercialism of Christmas the trend is to do everything earlier and earlier. I've already seen a few in November. Whats next? Christmas jumpers at halloween?
9.Worst Use Of 50 Quid Ever
When else would you spend 50 quid on a jumper that you wear once. You can't even wear it next year because you'd be worried about people remembering so you get a couple of wears out of it max before it gets stuck in that bottom drawer with the other shit you no longer want.
10.Because You'll Never Find Your Mates
Picture the scene when you walk out of the nightclub on Hardcourt Street after the office party to see 3000 people wearing pretty much the same thing. Impossible to find your mates in the sea of festive jumpers.
11.A Burn Case Waiting To Happen
How somebody hasn't been set alight I don't know. When you mix cheap polyester with drunk people, shots of flammable liquid, electric fairy lights on some of them and people being packed into a small space, first degree burns could be seconds away.
12.Another Reason For People To Take Pointless Selfies
Some people can't stop themselves from taking selfies, but these ridiculous jumpers tend to take it to another level.
13.You'll Have A Totes Awks Momo
The used to be so rare that the everyone would come over to inspect yours. There are so many now that it will only take minutes on a night out to see somebody wearing the same one as you. Never a good feeling.
14.Stags And Hens
I was walking through the airport this morning and saw a group of 20 hens heading back to the UK with their Christmas jumpers on. Remember this was still in November. Stags and Hens have a tendency to cheapen an already stupid trend.
15.What Would Jesus Think?
He rose from the dead and off the back of that is one of the most important religious holidays in the world that billions of people celebrate. He must be wondering what Black Friday, pub crawls and reindeer jumpers had to do with his original work