Getting old is fun. For the most part.
After all, it’s finally socially acceptable to be grumpy; you’re allowed skip nights out without having to give a reason; and the best places for nights out can be confined to one venue, as you never have the energy to move on to a club.
If that sounds like you, read on. If not, bookmark this article and save it for a few years from now.
Your time will come.
1. The Black Door holds an extra appeal – because you might get ID’d
2. You still call – and will always call – Sam’s Bar ‘Samsara’
3. The demographic at ‘Samsara’ doesn’t seem all that old any more
When I was young, all you people used to be nearly 30!
4. The average age at the Palace, meanwhile, seems about 12
5. You accept the fact that songs that remind you of college are now considered ‘retro’
Mr Brightside is the same age now as Mr Vain was when Mr Brightside was released.
6. You click on articles about things to do in Dublin without drinking
7. And when you do drink, you head home around midnight and shake your head scathingly at the ‘utter carnage’ that is Camden Street
8. You’re a bit iffy about places where you have to order your food at the counter
9. Except anywhere that does paleo
10. You actually know what a tracker mortgage is
11. You’ve started listening to ads about pensions
12. You’ve started to freak out about pensions
13. You have zero intention of actually starting a pension
It’s fine; you’re going to become really, really rich any day now.
14. You are, however, okay with paying your television licence
15. In fact, you’re okay with paying most things because ‘it’s just easier this way’
16. You’ve been to Pearl Brasserie – and not with your parents
17. You find the music at the #brunchofchampions can be a little bit too loud
Just a little.
18. Ditto P Macs
Bit ridic, in fairness.
19. You scope out places for wedding suitability despite the fact you’re not getting married
20. You kinda hate the fact you’re not getting married
21. Mind you, babies are still a bit ick
“Who takes a CHILD into Crackbird?”
22. Your changing metabolism has forced you to eat clean and work out
23. And you’re more likely to meet prospective friends and partners in a gym than in a bar
24. Of course, you’ve long given up hope on that ever happening.
But that’s okay.
There’s always Coppers, and the eternal pretence that you’re actually still 22.