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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
So, no matter how many times you've stalked him or her on Twitter, at least you haven't moved across the country to follow them. Er... right?
This grey-toned family drama with make your Christmas day squabbles seem totally tame by comparison.
Sure, you've missed your credit card payments for two months in a row and spent your last €2.50 on a Bounce protein ball, but at least you haven't stolen anybody's baby. You are winning at life.
Sure, they're all having a laugh in prison – but, lest we forget, they're IN PRISON. You, chances are, are not. Therefore you = better than Piper et al.
Sure, you failed at your attempt at veganism after day two and found yourself stuffing a sausage sandwich into your mouth like there was no tomorrow, but on the upside – you haven't eaten anyone yet. Hurrah!
Maybe you've recently told a secret you swore to keep, or ended up horizontal with a friend's bae. Well, fear not – you're not as bad as these guys, who steal baby killer whales from their moms for a living. Now, that's an asshole.
Because no matter how dysfunctional your family relationships, at least you're not as annoying as Rory and Lorelei. You'll always have that.
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