71 Thoughts We’ve All Had While Walking Through Temple Bar

Everyone who’s lived, visited or even been in Dublin will know of the infamously famous Temple Bar.

Mecca to hens, stags and general piss ups alike – this holy ground is paved with spilt pints, foreign bodies and signs of a night well spent. If you know what we mean. 

It has always, is always and will always be the same – morning noon and night, and we wanted to document its commitment to the cause. 

The cause being to drink enough pints to fill an ocean. 

1. Ah Jesus, how am I going to manage this 

How did I let this happen? AGAIN? 

2. Is this even Dublin???

3. ”Excuse me, excuse me, excus – F*CK OFF”

4. Does that sign say pints are ONLY €7?

Good lord. Surely this is hell. 

5. Who on Earth ever thought cobblestones were in any way practical?

6. Tiny death sentences built into the ground 

*whispers to the cobbles* ”Please don’t trip me”

7. Oh, great another busker

8. Wonder what they’ll sing

9. How does ALL of this area smell like piss?!

EVERYWHERE

10. Piss AND weed

Impressive? Impressive. 

11. ? Dick straws to the left of me ?

12. ? Scousers to the right ?

13. ? Here I am, bawlin’ in Temple Bar with you ?

14. God bless the lads in the sandwich boards

*starts clapping aggresively*

15. Doing God’s work so they are

16. Oh look, a ‘Ye Olde Sweete Shoppe’, how quaint

Let’s pop in, shall we. 

17. Oh, well there’s to a puddle of vomit

18. Surrounded by hun-buns

19. Sounds about right

Please don’t kill me. 

20. Uggggh, this street is NEVER ENDING

21. Also, surely some of these musicians’s friends would tell them their rubbish?

BOOOOOO. 

22. Poor feckers

23. Is that a donkey?!

Jesus. 

25. *looks at chung fella throwing up* Poor dote

You have so much to learn. 

26. There’s no way I’VE ever been that drunk

27. *flashback* okay yes I have 

28. Surely the rest of the word doesn’t actually think that Irish people live like this?

…but, don’t we?

29. Vomit. Vomit. Piss. Vomit. Spit?

30. Please say it’s spit

Please please please please please

31. Oh dear, here come the bucket shakers

32. No no NOPE no no I’m late for an appointment NO

33. AND the bible pushers? On the same street?! Really?!

34. And don’t start me on this yoke

35. Whatever the fuck that is

36. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT SEAGULL

37. Did it…did it just rob a chicken fillet roll from that man

38. *sees 823,390,349 person long queue come out of Gogarty’s*

39. HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS

40. Do non-Irish people think we listen to Trad Music all of the time?

41. It sounds like a panic attack

42. HOW IS THERE NOT ONE SQUARE METRE OF NO TOURISTS ANYWHERE

I WILL BRING YOU DOWN. FEAR MY RATH.

43. Shit, I better keep it down. The man playing the harmonica, accordion, cymbals and drum simultaneously is looking at me

44. Okay Spanish students you need to back off

45. I grew up on these mean streets and MY BLOOD WAS USED TO PAVE THEM

46. Okay not really just get to steppin’

47. Good god you’re all so attractive it’s unreal 

And the Irish: lumpy, soft pink quasi-humans.

48. Wonder if I’ll ever see my family again

Wonder what picture they’ll put on my mass card?

49. But, MY DOG

50. There was so much I had yet to do

51. At least I’ve a trendy* McDonald’s

*red-bricked

52. You can survive on McDonald’s right?

Happily. 

53. *remembers Supersize Me* 

Fuck

54. Oh God I think I just kicked over that man’s cymbal

55. And where did you come from?!

56. Did someone actually dare to CYCLE THROUGH THIS CHAOS?

ARE YOU MENTAL

57. Sir, are you dumb

And have you LOST IT

58. Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots. 

59. HOW are you on the sesh?! IT IS 1PM.

60. Fuck, Elephant and Castle smells good

61. No sir, I don’t want a menu

62. Okay focus, home stretch 

63. I wonder what that leprechaun looks like under his costume

64. FOCUS. YOU CAN DO THIS.

65. I’m almost positive the only people in this world who wear Hello Kitty merch are standing in front of Central Bank right now

66. Stripy socks were still a thing?! Who knew

67. Oh look, I CAN SEE THE GROUND

67. I’M ALIVE 

68. *kisses the ground* 

69. JUSTICE

70. Wait… Is that the queue for the bus?

71. Sweet baby Jesus 

Just. Murder. Me. 

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