9 Reasons Why A Family Wedding Is The Best Night Out You'll Have All Year
Because when else does yer ma do Riverdance?
Irish weddings, as much as we go on about them, we bloody love them all the same.
They have the sophistication of a grown-up Debs and and the gusto of a real life Tinder, as well as a rock-the-boat or two in between. Sure what more could you want?
Here are 11 reasons why an Irish wedding is one of the very best events you could fill your weekend with..
1. Meeting relatives' new significant others
Watching the transformation of your cousin's new boyfriend who spends the whole day on water with military restraint to making the ultimate tit out of himself (tie around the head et al) losing his shit to Sweet Child O' Mine.
2. Rivalry akin to global warfare
It's no secret that any wedding, be it Irish or otherwise, is akin to an extended family rivalry edition of tug-of-war.
The Big Dog in each family will stare their adversary down while downing a pint in one, and the mother-in-laws will be either miffed or mortified about the colossal size of their fascinators. Who needs young people in a nightclub? These are the comrades you want on a night out with you.
3. Getting your workout in
What other night out have you ever had that you can boast a weight loss instead of a shame gain?
Starting your day with a stand-up, sit-down, genuflect scenario in a packed church, you've practically done a bikram yoga class. Then comes starvation for the day until you're fed, followed by eight-plus hours of dancing. And as for ladies doing all this in heels, you're absolutely laughing.
Weddings are like crack to bitchy aul relatives.
Between someone bringing their new 'friend', the mysterious other family and the fact that weddings are a goldmine for desperate singles, Irish weddings are absolute hubs for gossip. You can rarely go 10 minutes after 6pm without hearing talk of 'notions' or 'carry-on'.
5. Free bar
Well not actually (someone would die) but it may as well be with all of your older uncles with money buying rounds, living vicariously through the young people.
Uncles love the craic.
6. Best man speeches with no holds barred
While the rest of the world has come around to the idea that sweet, endearing wedding speeches are the way forward, we Irish take this one sacred chance to rip the absolute piss out of the groom for the first time as a married man.
Anything, and I mean anything, goes here – from his first wet dream to that time he puked on your mum, no one is safe until the speech giver has sat back down. And even then, I'd keep an eye out.
7. Hon the after sesh
The Residence bar.
After pure panic that it would close before you were ready, destining you to a night of sobriety, you've somehow made it along with the rest of the drunken nation that is your family. Your grand-uncle kicks things off with an auld rebel song, and you realise you may never want to go to a nightclub again.
Like a good night at Coppers, Riverdance is always the finale song.
Absolute anthem to end the night with, let's not lie. And one to get the whole clan involved, win win.
9. A guaranteed rollover
Hope you packed your drinking boots because you're in for it, along with 200 of your closest family and friends. This is mostly fuelled by the utter fear of your hangover from the night before, and fuck loads of money people saved for this weekend.
Because, even though everyone had the best intentions, it was never going to just be one night, and we bloody love that.