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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
You couldn’t have asked for a more exciting finale to the Six Nations.
The table has set us up for an absolutely cracking weekend of rugby, with the Boys in Green needing a comprehensive win over Scotland to ensure a championship win – but if you're one of the thousands heading to Murrayfield to watch the whole thing unfold, you'll need to work out the lingo of our hosts.
So here are a few things you need to ken (know)…
From an Irish point of view, we want to put in an absolutely barry (amazing) performance, in order to build up the points difference we need to overtake England.
And much as we love our hosts, we don’t want to give them a swatch (glimpse) of victory – in fact, we'd go so far as to say that their performance will hopefully be a load of mince (crap).
Remember to stock up on some cargo (carry-out) before the match, so if we do win you can tan (knock back) your drink in jubilant celebration. Watch out for the crowds if you’re in the pub, though – the bar queues will be raj (insane), and if someone tans (spills) your pint, you’ll be ages getting a new one.
After all three matches are over, you’ll probably be absolutely scunnered (starving) and possibly in need of a quick break from the booze – so grab a poke (container) of chips and a juice/ginger (fizzy drink) to pace yourself so you’re not reeking (hammered) before 7pm.
Once you’ve got your wits about you, it’s time to chum (accompany) your mates to the dancing (a nightclub) – and with any luck, the willing singletons will be winching (shifting) someone in no time.
Mind you, if your selected partner has a significant other, then be sure one of your pals keeps edgy (sketch) for you – if you’re caught, you could be ragdolled (shaken about) or even banjoed (lamped).
At best you’d end up with a beamer (embarrassed face), at worst you’d end up with a properly messed up coupon (face) – either way, you’ll look a right bam/roaster (idiot).
Good to ken (you’ve already learned this one) these things, isn’t it?
