Hello, my name is Louise and I'm a serial dater.
Can I sit back down now?
Okay, so over the last few months, I've racked up a bit of a name for myself in the office as a Tinder fiend and would walk out the door each day with "who are you going on a date with this evening, eh Lou?" ringing in my ears.
Sometimes I wasn't actually going on a date. Sometimes.
I'm also one of these crazy people that will have no problem telling people that we met on Tinder. There's no shame!
However, I recently decided to delete the app. I'm actually tiring of first dates (who thought that was possible?) and my bank balance will definitely breath a sigh of relief. But a seasoned veteran like me couldn't just delete it and fade into the black, could I? I decided to try a little social experiment before exiting stage left.
I decided to ask all my tinder matches some of the cheesy (sometimes creepy and weird) things that men have asked me over the years, with varying degrees of success.
The rules? I didn't pick my matches, I just said yes to everyone, in the interest of fairness. (I also ran out of likes for the first time ever, because obviously I'm usually very picky).
I also had to be the first one to send a message, if they said something to me first, they were excluded from the experiment. I then chose my cheesiest and weirdest chat up lines, and laid them on a portion of men in the Greater Dublin Area.
These are some of my favourite responses.
He obviously wasn't used to the cheese, but it clearly didn't throw him off!
This guy clearly didn't really understand what I was getting at.... But I appreciated his concern none the less. Also, we'll forgive him the spelling error. Happens to the best of us.
Gifs in a response will always catch my eye, so you did well Mystery Man #3.
For anyone confused, my profile does warn them to expect creepy chat up lines.
You know that sweet spot when you're weird to someone on Tinder and they are weird back and for a split second you think "maybe love is real and the planets have aligned and brought us together in this exact moment?".
Well, it happened here. Dreamy.
The guy who just thought I was gas.
Yeah I am, but laughy faces don't inspire a continuation of conversation. Boo.
This guy clearly knew the way to my heart and complimented my literary prowess. You old charmer, you.
Right about here is where I started getting bold, cheeky and a little hyper.
He seemed to take it in his stride though.
I've been caught red handed. He clearly saw right through me...
This has to be one of my favourite responses of the lot.
This guy was clearly worried about me being a flesh wearing murderer of tinder dates...
Shout out to my favourite response of the lot. Hell yes! Stand tall, fight for your right not to be treated like a piece of meat.
So there you have it folks, I tried my creepy chat up lines and not a date in sight? Story of my life.
Editor's note: As this story went to print, Louise unceremoniously deleted her Tinder, so even if you would like to be on the receiving end of one of her 'lines', you can't. Soz.