After delightfully lazy, food-filled holidays, many of us only started back at work today.
Here’s why it’s perfectly normal to feel down in the dumps on this most terrible of months – and we’re right there with you.
1. You experience severe chocolate withdrawal symptoms
You’ve spent the last two weeks gorging on selection boxes, Quality Street and every chocolate biscuit you could get your hands on from the shitty tins you received from your extended family.
How can you be expected to resume ordinary life?
2. Your body is not what it used to be
Your self-destructive consumption over the holidays has resulted in an inability to climb stairs without taking a breather halfway up.
3. The gym is packed
The season of goodwill quickly evaporates as you set foot in your local gymnasium and immediately hate every other inconsiderate fecker in the place.
4. No money
You made it rain like a Rockefeller over Christmas only to discover that you can no longer afford to pay the rent and that you’ll be subsisting solely on cold tins of beans this month.
5. You’ll be incredibly bored but no one wants to do anything
See ‘No money’.
6. It’s dark when you get up and dark when you get home
7. The weather’s so shite
All journeys now seem unnecessary.
8. Eating healthy SUCKS
To atone for the calorific sins of Christmas you’ve had to go the complete other way and you no likey.
9. You’re forced to evaluate all your life’s problems, attempt to solve them…
… And quickly realise you’re a lost cause.
10. You keep forgetting it’s not 2017 anymore
11. You die a little when you have to put away the Christmas decorations
Just a little longer, eh? Please?!
12. It’s no longer acceptable to have chocolate for breakfast
At Christmas time there’s just so much chocolate around the place that the only way you could possibly get through it all is to allow yourself to eat it at any time of day or night.
Unfortunately, this is not socially acceptable at any other time of year.
13. You’ve to return to work after a lengthy period of blissful laziness
You had a good run over the Christmas break. Laughs were had, food was enjoyed, pyjamas were worn beyond any reasonable degree of cleanliness, but now you must return to reality.