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02nd Jan 2018

13 Reasons Why January Is The Worst Feckin’ Month Of The Year


After delightfully lazy, food-filled holidays, many of us only started back at work today. 

Here’s why it’s perfectly normal to feel down in the dumps on this most terrible of months – and we’re right there with you. 

1. You experience severe chocolate withdrawal symptoms

You’ve spent the last two weeks gorging on selection boxes, Quality Street and every chocolate biscuit you could get your hands on from the shitty tins you received from your extended family.

How can you be expected to resume ordinary life?  


2. Your body is not what it used to be

Your self-destructive consumption over the holidays has resulted in an inability to climb stairs without taking a breather halfway up.

Heavy Breathing

READ: Beat That Post-Christmas Bloat With These Nutrition Tips

3. The gym is packed

The season of goodwill quickly evaporates as you set foot in your local gymnasium and immediately hate every other inconsiderate fecker in the place. 

Gym In January

4. No money

You made it rain like a Rockefeller over Christmas only to discover that you can no longer afford to pay the rent and that you’ll be subsisting solely on cold tins of beans this month.

I Spent All My Money

5. You’ll be incredibly bored but no one wants to do anything

See ‘No money’.


READ: How To Cope With January’s Return To Reality

6. It’s dark when you get up and dark when you get home

Hello Darkness

7. The weather’s so shite

All journeys now seem unnecessary.


8. Eating healthy SUCKS

To atone for the calorific sins of Christmas you’ve had to go the complete other way and you no likey.

Smashing A Dinner Plate

READ: These 10 Healthy Muffin Recipes Will Revolutionise Your Meal Planning

9. You’re forced to evaluate all your life’s problems, attempt to solve them…

… And quickly realise you’re a lost cause.

Pathetic Loser

10. You keep forgetting it’s not 2017 anymore

What Year Is It

11. You die a little when you have to put away the Christmas decorations

Just a little longer, eh? Please?!

Waterworks New

12. It’s no longer acceptable to have chocolate for breakfast

At Christmas time there’s just so much chocolate around the place that the only way you could possibly get through it all is to allow yourself to eat it at any time of day or night.

Unfortunately, this is not socially acceptable at any other time of year. 

Love Chocolate

READ: Every Single Rose, Celebration, Quality Street And Miniature Hero – Ranked From Worst To Best

13. You’ve to return to work after a lengthy period of blissful laziness

You had a good run over the Christmas break. Laughs were had, food was enjoyed, pyjamas were worn beyond any reasonable degree of cleanliness, but now you must return to reality.

Fuckin’ January.

Robin Crying

READ NEXT: 12 Reasons Why January Isn’t So Crap After All