There's no place quite like Ireland.
It's a combination of so many unique traits that make the Emerald Isle the jewel of a country that it is, that make it an extra special place to return to for Christmas.
These are the signs you're back in Ireland.
1. Once again you're on the hunt for 'the shift'
Was there ever a better term for the messy collision of two tongues?
We think not.
2. Deli rolls are everywhere
Hangovers abroad were intensified by the knowledge you couldn't just pop down to the local supermarket for a chicken fillet roll with three salads and a free bottle of Lucozade. But those hellish times are over now, my child.
3. Tractors rule the roads with an iron fist
You become re-acquainted with your old and painfully slow arch-nemesis.
4. Strangers are saying hello to you
Seriously, how lovely are we?
5. If someone isn't drinking they're on antibiotics
Only logical conclusion.
6. The signature weather
Four seasons in a day? Really, Ireland? Oh, you!
7. You find yourself in conversations about the weather
And don't even get me started on the length of these evenings, cos let me tell ya, I somehow have an opinion on that too.
8. "Ah sure, you know yourself"
The quickest way to kill a conversation you don't want to have.
9. You're once again waving at drivers who let you cross the road
We might be separated by glass, metal and distance, but I still need you to know that I appreciate this kindness.
Here in Ireland, we know that 'press' is the correct term for that thing you keep all your cups and shit in. Sure what else would you be calling it?
11. Sarcasm, sarcasm everywhere
Which invariably leads to sarcastic laughter like...
12. You can't hang up a phone without saying bye a million times
Don't associate with people who just say bye once: they're cold-hearted bastards.
13. You realise the price of drink is ridiculous
But... but... my monies!
14. You thank God for queues
You've discovered in your time abroad that not everyone in this world respects the sanctity of an orderly line.
15. The slang is music to your ears
Once again you can converse in your vernacular and end embarrassing anecdotes with the announcement that you're vicariously scarle' for your ma.
16. You notice that pedestrians give zero fucks about road crossings
You now have to overcome your mental block against jay-walking.
17. Creamy pints of Guinness
These creamy beauties are rare jewels across the water, but they're a dime a dozen here in the homeland.
18. Obscene alcohol consumption levels
Seriously lads, once you compare notes with other nations you realise that we're reckless feckers.
19. Old man pubs are the best
The proper kind, mind. That kind that don't believe in having a ladies' bathroom.
20. The mother force-feeding you
"You're right mam, I am underweight! More biscuits".
21. The craic in general
At the end of the day, all the little great things about Ireland add up to make it a pretty amazing place... So it should be a hell of a Christmas!