The 11 Definitive Reasons Why Irish People Will Never Take To Speed Dating
Because there's always that risk of shifting your second cousin
Despite the thousands of tourists (Yanks) flocking to the Emerald Isle each year to find their own personal Colin Farrells or Laura Whitmores, us Irish folk aren’t really that blessed in the whole ‘dating’ (nee. courting) department.
Here are eleven reasons why.
1. Our crippling lack of self-confidence
Tiny island mentality. To our right is the high-faluting UK, and to our left (slightly further) is the US. Sure there’s hardly any more confidence to be dosed around.
2. Our even bigger crippling fear of rejection
Putting ourselves out there? Out where?! Sounds dreadful.
3. Our total lack of game
Only in the past twenty years have men realised that whispering ‘road frontage’ into the ear of their beloved doesn’t hold the same sexual prowess as the days of yore.
Come on guys, dig deep.
4. Our lack of style
Not entirely fair as these days we have some of the most up-and-coming fashion bloggers in the world. However, how do we all spot another Paddy on holidays? GAA Jerseys.
5. The idea of asking someone out is so unbelievably foreign to us
‘’That guy just asked me what I was doing tomorrow.’’
‘’Ugh, what a creep.''
The mind boggles.
6. Everyone knows everyone
And everyone’s related to everyone. Enough said.
7. Our complete inability to take compliments
Ah c’mere, you stop, g’way.
8. Our natural inclination to talk about the weather
Sexy? Not so much.
A one-way ticket to a dry-spell of your very own.
9. Flirting sans alcohol? Doesn’t exist
While us Irish do love filling our stereotype, this one truly kicks us right in the kisser. Bad metaphor.
We get so excited at the prospect of finding a mate, that we down absolutely everything in sight. Sure then aren't we halfway to Copper's?
10. Feelings? Fuck that
Feelings in Irish society are deemed as pretentious as notions and as alien as self-esteem. They're a sign of being 'mothered' too much and are far from desirable.
Top tip: we all have them, loads of them. Do the right thing guys and gals.
11. We just love the chat too much
Speed dating, is in essence a quick-fire way of finding The One.
Pity about us, we take the long boreen around, as opposed to the main road. Whereas the rest of the world can bask in their black-and-white decision making glory, God bless us, we're a little on the grey side.
Dear reader, please take from this what you will and ask them out. At this rate, it’s a miracle we’re not all fridgets.