Feature

20th Dec 2016

The Definitive List Of Chicken Fillet Roll Fillings Ranked From Rotten To Ridey

katedemolder

Ah, the humble chicken fillet roll, Ireland’s favourite snack.

Continuously voted in as Irish emigrant’s most missed part of The Emerald Isle, they really hold a place in our hearts like no other.

Both a lunch and a dinner, chicken fillet rolls are the pinnacle of modern Irish society. And, of course, what are they without their toppings? Well not much at all.

We’ve decided to rank the minging from the wondrous, the socially acceptable to the plain weird and the simple to the outrageous in a handy list just below.

Essential reading if you believe you’re a chicken fillet connoisseur.

19. Ketchup

There’s a reason your local deli doesn’t have ketchup on tap for such things. It’s messy, it lacks originality and most importantly, it does nothing for the subtle flavours of the humble chicken fillet.

Save it for fecking McDonald’s.

18. Curry sauce

You should be hanged and quartered for even considering.

Not okay in any way, shape or form.

17. Olives

What?

16. Gherkins

Gherkins are to chicken fillet rolls, as chalk is to cheese.

They belong on beef burgers, but nowhere near poultry.

15. Rocket

Always ordered with the best of intentions, but never going to be as good as you want them to be. Far limper than its leafy counterpart Iceberg.

14. Spring onions/scallions

You are a social pariah.

13. Coleslaw

We can understand how you want to recreate the beauty found inside of a ham and coleslaw roll, but this simply doesn’t work with breaded chicken.

Not as sinful as curry, but certainly not socially acceptable.

12. Peppers

A gallant effort, but wrong.

Also, why peppers when you can get jalapeños?

11. Chicken tikka

Basic.

10. Sweet chilli sauce

Tasty and delicious at times, but far too sticky and unpredictable for your roll.

If you’re going to go down the sweet chilli route, pour a bowl, get yourself some Doritos and make a day of it.

9. Jalapeños

You definitely want people to know how sassy and cultured you are, getting your jalapeños in like it ain’t no thang.

8. Potato wedges

Only acceptable when you’ve completely ruined your life the night before and carb-on-carb action is the only cure.

You do completely deserve it when that time comes around, but for your own sake, eat it in the safety of your own home.

7. Cheese

Only in winter, and it better be heated.

6. Red onions

A for effort, but D minus in forward planning… Now you’re going to do things that don’t involve mates for the next couple of hours because no one will be able to stand your stench.

5. Stuffing

An absolutely royal topping to add to your fillet-y goodness, but only at Christmas time.

Just plain weird during the rest of the year.

4. Tomatoes

Fair enough, but be wary that you’ll have to eat this in the next two seconds for fear of utter sogginess.

3. Sundried tomatoes

Now we’re talking, you glam bitch.

2. Lettuce/mayo combo

A winning formula that has stood the test of time. Bog standard as it may seem, the lettuce/mayo combo allows for the full, rich taste of the chicken fillet and fresh crispy roll to shine through.

An arduous choice, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

1. Taco sauce

The most delicious substance known to man, taco sauce has quickly become widely available in every deli across Ireland out of sheer demand for the stuff.

Light, yet tangy, soft yet flavoursome, taco sauce has it all and more, and marries beautifully with our nation’s favourite sandwich.

For those of you who haven’t tried it, I implore you to do so. Your first time is only akin to the feeling people had when they first saw coloured films. Do yourself a favour and go.

Now!