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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
It's fair to say that the listicle is a massive game-changer when it comes to media.
The old media are definitely running for cover under the shitstorm of epic Buzzfeed gold, and the new guys just fucking know that this is the way to do content and get shit done.
The humble number is an absolutely vital part of any listicle, and while I'm no expert on the topic by any means, here are my Top 10 numbers that you absolutely have to use in a Top 10 article if you want online success.
Definitely the shittiest number of the lot, it has too many fucking factors and is basically as dull as overcooked Irish vegetables from the 1970s.
Easily the worst number between one and 10 in Dublin right now.
Don't even think of putting two anywhere near the top of your list if you're serious about your content. Claims to be a prime number, but it's fucking even, and that just messes with my brain. Forget it, move on.
Like six, this has too many factors for such a tiny number – but it does get off the hook for being a square number, and for the fact you can draw it two different ways. You could get worse.
Massively overrated. They say simple is best, but this number is so fucking boring they didn't even allow it into a deck of cards.
Again with all the factors – no number this small needs this many factors, and the sooner people understand that the better. Worse again, the figure eight is symmetrical both on the horizontal and vertical axes. How much more fucking boring can you get?
Totally predictable – telling when something is divisible by five is so simple even an idiot could do it. Boring but dependable.
A square number with no other factors other than itself and one? That's pretty fucking unusual, so nine can stay.
The only double-digit entry on this list, and with good reason – you'll literally find it impossible to find a bigger number between one and 10 in Dublin right now.
Add up all the digits of any number, and if the end-product is divisible by three then so is the original number. Sure, it's also true of six and nine, but three packs a fucking massive punch for such a tiny number – and you can draw it with a flat or a curvy top, so it's versatile too.
Hands-down one of the best numbers in Dublin this year.
Hands down the king of numbers. 100% prime, this number will not lie back and do what it's told without a serious fight. Ever tried dividing something by seven in your head? Good luck. It stands up for itself, it's totally asymmetrical on both axes, and it's basically an all-round winner.
Seven, we fucking salute you.
