College life in Ireland ain't what it used to be.
A few months back it was announced Trinity and UCD had dropped in the international university rankings, which made us stop and consider just how good we had it back in the day.
So take a step back in time, folks... and remember all the ways college in Ireland was better 10 years ago.
1. UCD Bar was still in existence
Bless its concretey, gross yet oddly homely cotton socks.
2. Texts were paid for... and therefore meant something
When that girl you'd been flirting with was texting you, she was actually investing 12c in you EVERY SINGLE TIME.
And if you got a long text? Oh man. That was that.
3. We didn't have laptops
Which meant, by extension, WE GOT TO USE HIGHLIGHTERS!
4. There was no such thing as Turnitin
So we could plagiarise to our little hearts' content.
5. And there were no dating apps
You actually had to talk to strangers you wanted to have sex with. Which was strange, but oddly thrilling...
6. Living in digs was a thing
If living at home with your family wasn't good enough craic, you had the chance to live with someone else's.
7. Grants were generous enough to avoid part-time jobs
More time for drinking. Less money for drinking.
8. And most people got the grant
You didn't have to prove that your family were an endangered class of island people whose sole source of food was rock moss in order to be eligible.
9. Fees were fuck all
You could pay the capitation grant with money you found down your sofa, and still have enough left over for a pint in the Buttery.
And speaking of which...
10. You could still get pints in the Buttery!
And the pints were, like, 5c or something.
Why oh why would anyone tamper with something so perfect; so pure?
11. Pre-drinking was enjoyable, but not essential
Even fun things lose their charm when they're done out of strict necessity.
12. Nightclubs didn't have photographers and Facebook pages
What happened on the dancefloor stayed on the dancefloor.
13. In fact, social media in general wasn't a thing
Never mind the professionals – smartphones with their pesky cameras ruined it for everyone.
14. Students across the country tuned into Home & Away daily
Mainly just to see who Irene adopted next. Students today show nowhere near the appropriate level of dedication to this cause.
15. Printing was free in colleges
Wait, wasn't it?
16. Happy hour was still legal
Michael McDowell = Buzz Killington.
17. And some colleges even boasted free parking
You know. For all those students who had cars somehow.
18. There was no Whatsapp
Whatever about the 12c texts, this also meant that you couldn't get roasted alive by your mates in a group chat.
19. The off-licence didn't close at 10pm
Which meant pre-drinking could go on all night... which also meant that it wasn't really pre-drinking.
20. College ATMs gave out €10 notes
And then once the recession hit, all ATMs gave out €10 notes. But for a brief moment in time, we had something special and unique...
21. Students were more inclined to pick doss courses
Because back in the Celtic Tiger era, the world could accommodate a good slacker or two.
22. Rag Week was still allowed
23. Rent wasn't actually extortionate
Not exaggerating or anything, but you could actually pay your capitation fee AND your rent from money you found down the back of the sofa and STILL have cash left over for a pint.
24. We had Bebo
Does Facebook allow you to decorate your profile with amazing skins?
Does it? Huh?
25. Sexting was all about using yer imagination
And weren't we happier for it?
26. Lecturers couldn't check if you hadn't read an article
We've said it before, and we'll say it again: this 'internet' thing is absolutely no good for anybody.