Brides And Grooms, These Are The 8 Important Things You Need From Your Bridal Party

Picking your bridal party might seem like no-brainer.

Sure I know yer man years. Ah I’ll have to ask Brenda; didn’t she visit me in the hospital when I had me appendix out? And anyway, does it matter – sure what do they really do.

Well now, we’re here to tell you not to be too hasty, because it is in fact A Serious Decision with Far-Reaching Consequences.

And to help you choose wisely, here’s what you need from them:

1. Worship

When you become engaged, in your friends’ eyes you are now royalty, and by God you expect to be treated as such. So by this we mean constant compliments, some international standard ego massaging and of course, curtsies.

2. Unattractiveness

I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

If one of the bridal party is better looking than you, ensure they get a shite haircut or wear a rotten foundation that makes them look like they’ve got the Spanish Plague. It's your day, dammit.

3. Masterful prose

Best men (and increasingly maids-of-honour) have to wow your guests with a dazzling speech, so you'd better make sure they’re well able to cobble together a delightful tribute to you both.

Proof of how they did in their English Leaving Cert is necessary. Weed out anyone who did Pass and only go for someone with a high Honour.

4. Honesty

Traditionally the best man ‘minds’ all the money, so make sure you pick someone you can trust.

Johnny that robbed a packet of Hubba Bubba from the local shop when ye were seven? Out.

Tony who can’t resist a flutter on the All Cash? Potential gambler – out. 

Robbie? Out – can’t be too careful.

5. Organisational skills

Friends with event management qualifications should get first dibs on best man or maid of honour – well, they will have to organise the hen and the stag after all. Failing this, critique various celebrations they’ve organised.

Uncle Tom’s 60th 

– was it a hit?###>

6. Hard graft

Your wedding is going to be THE occasion of the year, and that means all hands on deck from the bridal party.

So choose hardy friends who will be able to staying up until 3am most nights cutting out bunting and putting in 14-hour shifts to create that floral archway you’ve always dreamed of.

(Editor's note: I'm kinda relieved I'm not in Cynthia's bridal party...)

7. Diplomacy

Your bridal party will be your stress buffers on your wedding day, so ensure they’re well able to handle difficult situations.

Ask them ‘job interview’ style what was the last tough situation they were in and how they handled it, then give shortlisted applicants notes on the diplomatic history of the Cold War and quiz them on it to see what they learned.

(Editor's note: Seriously. PHEW.)

8. Dance skillz

It’s the bridal party’s job the fill that dancefloor so you better choose mad fer it articles who can get the party started.

Points are awarded for moonwalking skills, ability to shout the most exciting ‘WHOOP!’ and the most impressive performance of the Las Ketchup dance.