Incase you want it over and done with by V-day...

Like prying yourself out of a packed Luas carriage at rush hour or getting out of a pub before it’s your round, ending a relationship is much more complicated than it looks. I did once literally run away from a man who just kept trying to talk me round. Don’t do that—I’m still haunted by it to this day.

Stick to the basics

The 5 Best Places

The Christchurch Car Park

Why It Works: You’re in your car, it feels private, and you’re still in the city so even if they storm off, they can find their way home. It’s mildly public, suitably bleak, and entirely lacking in warmth—ideal for a conversation that’s all business. Car parks, full of hurried strangers and exhaust fumes, are neutral territory. At least you won’t run into your aunt carrying her messages.

Watch Out For: Confining yizzerselves to a small space might amp up the intensity. PSA don’t do this while driving. Safety is sexy, even where heartbreak is concerned.

A Low-Key, Unfamiliar Bar

Try: The Lark Inn. It’s old-school, no-nonsense, and the bartenders have seen it all. If tears fall, they won’t flinch. They might even send you a pint if you end up alone. Or consider The Auld Triangle—if a drink gets thrown in your face, no one will bat an eyelid.

Beware: Alcohol can loosen tongues—sometimes too much. Keep it calm and snappy.

A Quiet Outdoor Café (Not Too Trendy)

Try: The café in People's Park Dún Laoghaire. At this time of year, its once-blooming surroundings are quieter and more introspective. It’s less crowded than a city-centre hotspot, meaning fewer people you know and a more muted vibe.

Beware: It’s still public. Expect a few strangers within earshot, but at least it won’t be full of friends or colleagues.

A Hotel Lounge with No Personal History

Try: The Ashling Hotel. Neutral territory—businessy, no shared memories from first dates or anniversaries lurking in the decor.

Beware: Don’t pick an overly romantic hotel bar—no candlelit corners or live harpists.

Book a Private Karaoke Room

This is an expensive option, but at least you won’t have nosy servers gossiping about you both. Then you can sing out your pain. You can’t go wrong with “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift tbh.

Beware: It’s a splurge, but the privacy and neutral setting might be worth it.

The 5 Worst Places

Breaking up is no walk in the park (unless you actually choose to do it there)

The Airport Bar

Bottom Line: Travel is stressful enough—don’t add heartbreak to the baggage carousel.

The Ghost Bus Tour

Why It’s Awful: If your relationship is as dead as Nearly-Headless Nick, why not go all-in and break up on a ghost bus tour? Except, you’re literally trapped on a moving attraction, surrounded by ghouls, goblins, and your own dying romance. You’ll end up thinking, “I should’ve just ghosted them,” instead of going full paranormal.

Bottom Line: There’s no elegant exit strategy. It’s a horror show—don’t make it yours.

A Busy, Romantic Restaurant

Why It’s Awful: Think candlelight, couples canoodling, and soft violin music. A fancy spot is designed for lovebirds, not heartbreak. Trying to end things where everyone else is celebrating anniversaries and proposals only adds confusion and pain.

Bottom Line: Forever tainted. You’ll never return without picturing their tearful face—and neither will they.

A Sauna

Why It’s Awful: Is that sweat or tears? In this humid, uncomfortable setting, emotions get stifled and confused. Half-dressed and overheated, you’re amplifying discomfort instead of keeping things clear and compassionate.

Bottom Line: Just because you can do it there doesn’t mean you should. Some environments aren’t made for heartbreak.

Ancestral Home

Why It’s Awful: If sneaky nookie is hard enough to hide from the ‘rents, imagine the emotional ruin of a bad breakup unfolding under their roof. If their parents never move, this moment will haunt them every time they go home. It’s the ultimate legacy of heartbreak—stamped right into their childhood stomping ground.

Bottom Line: This is emotional carnage. Don’t ruin family memories along with the relationship.