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14th October 2018
02:22pm BST
Dublin can be a harsh mistress.
As much as we love the place, it isn't always easy living here. You learn some lessons over the years, ones that can be hard to bear. And honestly, we don't think we're being melodramatic about this.
You've all known these bitter struggles.
You know you're probably too close to your fellow passengers when you can feel their breath on your neck.
Their abrupt shout is guaranteed to make you clutch your heart and say "me nerves".
Continuing the proud Viking tradition of terrorising townsfolk
That's right, oncoming walker, keep that umbrella with its metal prongs at the exact level of my eye.
You couldn't possibly be expected to know how to hold an umbrella, it's not like you live in a country where it rains most of the time or anything.
At times you feel that maybe Dublin doesn't exactly cater for the bike lovers among us...
Credit: Dublin Cycling Campaign/Facebook
And they can smell your privileged guilt a mile off.
One morning you wake up feeling that maybe there's more to life than merely shiftin' and driftin'.
Only we know it as 'Grafton Street'.
Which is why it's customary to yell a battle cry before attempting a visit to the Disney Store
On occasion you can only beat the queue by foregoing your late night rendez-vous with Babylon. Not cool.
"Why yes, it has been a busy night"
Cos those fuckers are everywhere.
"Don't mind me, I'm just here to ruin your day"
Forget aliens, the avian invasion has already begun.
And true works of art they are.
They'll never know your pain.
And after everything we've done for you, pubs.
Did we miss any hard truths? Let us know in the comments.
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