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17th March 2017
02:12pm GMT
2017 marks my sixth year of either living, working or schooling in Dublin city centre.
In those six years I've seen the rise and fall of many things. Tripod, Strangeways, Cafe Sol, Molly Malone in her original perch, €5 salads in Staple Foods, The Boom, normal sized seagulls, cranes, Clery's, Bewleys, Dubarrys, frosted tips. You name it.
However, when one transport door closes, another one opens - and with the combined interest of car insurance going through the roof and cycling in Dublin being akin playing Russian Roulette with your whole body - the people have resorted to other options.
Yes, yes runners, trainers, kicks and sneaks have all of a sudden become 'all go', with Nike cashing in mightily on the sudden interest in sauntering. But something that none of us saw coming, was the rise of the two-wheeled phenomenon that is the push scooter.
Yes, people of Dublin, push scooters are a fucking thing again.
Just when you thought 2016's reign of terror was over.
Now, let me start by saying Dublin is a city that's well taken with a phase. We are the island of Ireland's teenage offspring who insists that the mullet never went out of style, and ripped tights were slick, edgy and made you seem ~troubled~.
When we like a trend, we go balls deep.
Don't believe us?
Riddle me this: How many doughnut shops did you spot on your walk to work this morning?
Exactly.
Several months ago, we posted this article about how scooters were absolutely deadly and the way forward for Dublin commuters, literally and figuratively.
However, Lovin Dublin is an equal opportunities employer, and we collectively support the hopes, dreams and opinions of both the pro-scoot and anti-scoot brigades - despite however blatantly dumb one side may be.
Alri, bud. Let me tell you.
Do you remember your first encounter with a scooter? I bet you had either just confirmed your three potential Confirmation Names or were even still in single digits, age-wise. It may have been a Christmas present during the Boom years, or even hand-me-down from a cousin who'd just hit puberty and realised scooters are totally redundant.
Ergo, scooters promote pre-teen trends that should have died a death umpteen years ago. Shell necklaces. Juicy tracksuits. Coloured braces. Parachute pants. And so on...
I think we all know, deep down, that all of these trends should be locked in a cupboard and never be seen by the light of day again.
Push scooters are made of a thin piece of plastic, two wheels, and an unsupportive set of handlebars. It's the most vulnerable method of transport going. That cannot be disputed.
Exhibit A:
Lesbehonest. You all look tapped.
And the people have noticed.
People going around Dublin city on scooters; efficiency comes at a price I see
— Eoin Phelan (@PH3LO) September 19, 2016
Far too many grown-ass men are using kiddie scooters to commute around Dublin city centre. Worse than those skateboard chancers.
— Jenny Daly (@jennybdaly) September 7, 2016
What is up with all the adult razor scooters in Dublin. I do not believe that it's getting you to your destination any faster
— Lucy Remitz (@lucyremitz) July 6, 2016
And are the people ever wrong?
Trump.
Juice diets.
Shoulder pads.
Nope. No they are not.
Let me finish this off by saying I am just one un-scooty individual in this big scootiful world. You can, and will do whatever you want. And that's great. Freedom of scooting and all that.
Buuutttttt, there's just something about grown men in push scooters that make me yearn for the days of yore.
Call me crazy, but I think you'd be much faster, less sweaty, and would look all the less ludicrous if you walked, cycled, ran, bussed, trammed, trained or even canoed to work.
But hey, that's just me.
Now we don't expect you to go cold turkey. For those of you who were considering leaving the scooter at home this week, please take this as a big, shiny smack-in-the-face sign.
However, we do have a short-term solution for you.
We understand how long and cold the nights get. And for those of you who are craving your scooter fix - we've got just the thing.
Don't say we don't treat you good.
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