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14th May 2021

10 things we miss about going to nightclubs

Rory Cashin

We’re going OUT out.

Late bars and clubs haven’t been open since March 2020, and they will be one of the last things to get an official reopening date this summer.

However, with that silver lining of hope on the horizon, we thought we’d look forward to getting back into them, and the ten things we miss the most about them, including…

1. Prinks

Pre-drinks, or prinks, have died a death during the lockdown, because they can only be pre-drinks if they’re actually pre something. With nowhere to go afterwards, prinks are just drinks, but soon they shall be prinks again! Prinks are also assisted by your own personal soundtrack to getting hyped for your big night out. Every song during prinks must be a certified banger, or is liable to be skipped immediately.

2. The taxi in

Sober taxi rides and non-sober taxi rides are two very different things. Having left the house too late because you were having too much fun, you’re now racing towards the entry with the hope of arriving just in time to not have to pay the cover charge. Someone has snuck a secret can on to the taxi. Someone else is requesting “Mister Taxi Man, can you higher that up?” Tonight is going to be great.

3. The queue

Yes, you left it too late and now you have to pay in. We imagine the post-lockdown queues will be DIABOLICAL for the first few weeks, but it won’t matter. Every queue for every bar and club will become its own little party. You’ll make new friends and enemies in that queue. You’ll fear you’re sobering up, you’re planning what to get when you get to the bar, you’re already scouting out the hotties. And then you’re in!

4. Deciding on that first drink

Having made it through the throng of people already inside, somehow smushed yourself to the front of the bar, and got some saintly alcohol provider’s attention on the other side, now it is time to get that first OUT out drink. Whatever it is, you’ll want it to last, because the last thing you want is to finish it too fast and you’re right back on the queue for the bar again. This is the decision that may make or break your entire night. Choose wisely.

5. A year-and-a-bit’s worth of new songs

Everyone has that one song that arrived sometime in the last 16 months or so, the one that they’re going to lose their minds to when it finally comes on the booming club’s speakers. This is mine.

6. SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!

Invariably, someone is going to recommend you all do shots. And you can’t not do shots. If someone says “Shot?”, the only correct answer is “Yes.” However, outside of pizza toppings, never will there be a more complicated order than a group of people wanting shots. Some hate tequila, some can only do tequila, some want mixtures and concoctions, there might be salt and/or slices of fruit needed. This is your night’s turning point, when you truly begin to dance like no-one is watching. Enjoy!

7. DJ requests

You’re likely not-sober-enough now to build up the confidence to approach the DJ, the person that the club has paid several hundred euros to entertain hundreds of people over several hours, and you’re going to tell them how to do their job better by requesting a specific song. Maybe the DJ will agree with your fine choice and put it on. Maybe not. Either way, in a small way, you’re about to control the night for everyone else in the club for the next three or four minutes. This is now your domain. You totally rule.

8. Eye contact with attractive strangers

It is probably fair to say that the majority of folk haven’t had to flirt in real life in the last year-and-a-bit, so this is very much going to be Back In At The Deep End kind of stuff here. Regardless, if there is a gal or guy in the room catching your eye, and you’re catching theirs, then that’s great! If not, that’s also great, because you’re out dancing with your mates!

9. Queue for the coats

You know the night is coming to an end soon, so time to start planning ahead and getting your stuff from the cloak room. But the music is too good, you keep saying “After the next song”, and then suddenly the next song is the last song and you’re left with queue for the coats. This is pretty much the exact same set-up as No.3 on this list, except you’re likely to be much, much drunker by now.

10. The food afterwards

We all have the place we go afterwards, for taco fries or a dirty kebab or a 3-in-1 or whatever, and we take stock of the night. How is it over already? It feels like just minutes ago we were enjoying those prinks! Thankfully, once the restrictions have been lifted, we get to do it all again tomorrow night if we want to! So save your tears…

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