The Bank Holiday is over, and despite all this talk of a nice short week, it basically feels right now like we shall never feel happiness again.
So like any reasonable human beings, we're going to take our anger out on the following people, who are basically just the worst ever.
1. People who don’t get their money ready until the bus comes
There is a machine installed above your head specifically so you know when this was about to happen.
2. People who clap when the plane lands
You’re making your return flight a very tempting target for any angry gods up there
3. People who don't have Gmail
I am not sending an email to a Hotmail address, because a) this is not 1997; b) it will most likely exceed your storage limit as it contains a picture.
4. Slow cyclists who push up to the top of the queue at traffic lights then block everyone
Were you planning to suddenly start cycling at a normal pace, from this moment forth? No? Then I hate you.
5. People who walk down the road at the exact same speed as you
Slow down, or speed up, or at very least stop matching my pace when I try to do the same thing. This is just awkward now.
6. People who never go to the shop, then wait until someone else does and order an elaborate sandwich
This person used to be the one ordering a vodka and coke when everyone else was on pints, back when people did rounds in pubs. Now they ask you to ask the deli person to pick out the onions from your coleslaw or some shit.
7. People who start their Facebook statuses with a verb.
8. People who put the milk back in the fridge with a tiny dribble (but not enough to actually make tea) so they don't have to bin the carton
You have broken my heart, and I will never forgive you
9. People who text while walking
Next time you stop suddenly in front of me, I’m going to step on your heels and make it look like an accident and not be one bit sorry.
10. Cyclists who go on the footpath
Everyone hates you, even your cyclist allies.
Especially your cyclist allies.
11. People who use their phone in the cinema without turning down the brightness
If you really have you be vile enough to use your phone in the cinema, must you really have it on the ‘Burning Magnesium’ setting?
12. People who still use their tcd.ie address years after graduating
Yes. We get it.
13. People who pay with small change when there's a massive queue in the shop
You are ruining my life.
14. People who still quote Anchorman and/or Borat
Maybe the fact that you still say ‘sexytime’ is the reason you have no idea what it actually entails.
15. People who post Minion memes
What, so you're saying you didn't realise Friday until you had some sort of epiphany midway through the day? It wasn't the first thing you thought of when you woke up, as you processed information about your surroundings and circumstances like a normal human?
Get off the internet.
16. Guys who refer to wives/girlfriends/partners as 'the ball and chain'
I’m not even going to address those people directly, but if you know one, tell them I despise their 19th-Century mentality with every fibre of my being.
17. People who use the pet name ‘chicken’
You. You’re the worst ones of all.
Using this gif again because it's the only one that accurately portrays my disgust.