19 Things That Would Happen If The Olympics Were Held In Dublin

This year’s Olympics in Rio has gotten everything all aflutter, with Irish athletes doing tremendously, and Irish pride at an all-time high. 

But, this has gotten us thinking – what if the Games were held in Dublin?

It’d be quite different altogether. That’s for sure. 

1. Dustin would perform the opening ceremony

And Irlande Douze Pointe would finally get the recognition it deserves. 

2. A cyclist would inevitably ruin their future by cycling into unfinished Luas tracks

RIP their legs.

3. The rent for the Olympic village would be €9282439273 a month

Plus electricity.

4. The stadiums would be sponsored by doughnut companies

Any one of the current 2000 that have taken over the city. 

5. Irish fans would show how great they are by saving one-legged puppies from burning buildings

And teaching blind children to make daisy chains.

6. The queue for Coppers would reach new lengths

We’re talking Dublin winning the All-Ireland, multiplied by about 86.

Or thereabouts. 

7. Athletes would be handed pints of Gat on arrival

Or craft beer, for the younger, hipper countries. 

Sweden, we’re looking at you.

8. Sonia O’Sullivan would be transported via Queen’s chair for the duration of The Games

And rightfully named as our queen.

9. Everyone without tickets would be somehow allowed into the events

Because someone’s cousin’s brother’s girlfriend’s mate would ‘sort them out’.

10. Tayto sandwich packs would be handed out in goodie bags

Along with a box of Amber Leaf, a voucher for Dicey’s carvery and a bottle of Tipperary Spring.

11. The seagulls of Dublin would pilfer the medals right from the athletes’ necks

12. Dublinese would become a world-recognised language

And ‘alriiiii luv’ would become an international mating call.

13. Rats would win the rowing in the Liffey

Undisputedly.

14. Racewalking would be held on Grafton Street

Amidst some 40,000 meanderers. 

READ: 44 Thoughts We’ve All Had While Being Trapped Behind A Slow Walker On Grafton Street

15. Diving would be held at The 40 Foot

And then, and only then, would it make the front pages of the Irish papers.

16. The starting point for every race would be at Clery’s clock

17. The Olympic photocalls would be life-changing

Think tricolour bikinis, life-sized Olympic torches, and Michael D.

18. Asian athletes would be introduced to spice bags and 3in1s

And weep with despair for their foodie heritage.

19. And finally, Flat 7 Up would be on tap for the poorly and the injured

The only cure you need.

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