People who walk at an appropriate speed, this one's for you.
Do you live in a world that goes too slow? Are you constantly elbowing people to get out of the way? And do you only venture onto Grafton Street when it's entirely unavoidable?
Us too. It's a war zone out there, and there is never an excuse to walk that slow. Never.
Join us in the emotional journey of walking behind someone painfully slow on Grafton Street.
1. Jesus, it's happening
2. Do I ever learn?
I thought it'd be different this time.
3. Do I secretly enjoy this torture??
4. Oh God, I haven't even passed River Island yet
Feels like I've been here for weeks.
5. Okay, walk with confidence of a Riverdancer and they won't know you're terrifed
And a ONE, TWO, THREE.
6. Rats, no dice
7. Three, two, one aaaaand SIDESTEP
8. And now I'm on the ground
9. This is what hell looks like
Shite backpacks and tourist group flags. Oh, and the dress-up statue men. They're definitely there too.
10. *sees 748,390,349 person long queue*
NOTHING is worth that queue. Stupid tourists.
11. Not even Gino's
12. Okay, maybe Gino's
Especially for blue flavour.
13. YOU'RE ALL THE WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD
14. No, no I don't mean that
I've just been having a really bad week and my cat is sick and this series of Orange Is The New Black is just getting to me, okay.
15. I just hate your presence and sort of want you to all fall down
16. And maybe part in the middle like some Moses type-scenario
17. Maybe I'll just detour by South Anne Stre...
18. Oh, just knocked over 40 flowers
Sorry, flower women.
Please don't hurt me.
19. Right, back to the fiery pits of hell*
*Middle section of Grafton street
20. Oh no, SPANISH SCHOOL CHILDREN
Get AWAY from me, you wildly attractive young people.
21. Will this ever end?
22. Will I see my family ever again?
23. When will my husband come back from war?
Goodbye, sweet prince.
24. Snap out of it. This is about YOU and THEM
And you are so much bigger than them.
25. Ugh, I feel fat
Maybe I shouldn't have stopped in Gino's.
26. Fuck, did I just kick over that sand sculpture of a dog??
27. I'm going to hell
Sandy, doggy hell.
28. SHUT UP KEYWEST
29. Those guys would play at the opening of an envelope
That was mean. They're not the enemy here.
30. Okay FOCUS PEOPLE
Must... resist... being... sassy...
31. I can see the Luas!
Oh no, that's a seagull... maiming someone.
33. Did someone just step on my heel?
What a little shit. One more breath and I will LAUNCH.
34. *bumps into person who did it*
Oh, pardon me. I'm terribly sorry. Have a nice day. Love you!
35. I am weak and do not deserve love
36. How am I only at TOPMAN OH MY GOD
37. Just hold your breath
And count to ten...
... thousand, THERE ARE TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE AROUND ME RIGHT NOW.
38. *reaches neck up from the madness like an emerging baby swan*
I CAN SEE THE LIGHT!
39. Captain America's?!
Freedom! I can taste it!
40. *internal screaming*
YES YES YES. I'm going to cry into my dinner!
41. What is that I taste in the air? Is it liberty??
42. No nope, it's the residue of the guy who blows bubbles everywhere
43. Wait, is that the queue for the Luas?
44. Ah, FFS
The rat race continues...
Shut up, I've just got something in my eye.