The 21 Stages Of The Irish Office Christmas Party That You'll Go Through This Year
Have you got the work do this weekend? Here's what to expect...
The Christmas party will be taking place in offices around the country this weekend.
For some it's great craic, for others it's miserable, but for everyone it's at least memorable.
So with so many office parties happening today and tomorrow, we look at the stages you and you co-workers are more than likely to experience...
1. You'll promise to be civilised this year
2. You'll put HUGE effort into the Kris Kindle
But the person buying your present in return has phoned in sick or forgotten.
3. Even though it's totally cliché, a few of you will photocopy your arses in the office before leaving
As well as fraping the office prick.
4. You arrive late to the venue, mixing your fourth type of drink before you realise none of you are hungry
5. All the craic seems to be at the other end of the table and you're stuck with the two office losers
6. The loud person in the office will have you all drinking shots at 9pm as if it's the most normal thing in the world
7. A heated debate starts about which pub to go to after dinner
Of course, the bossy fucker wins as always.
8. You end up on the dance floor even though you never ever dance
While photos are being taken by the sober ones.
9. A group of you realise that it'd have been a good idea to actually have dinner, so you head off for a quick burger or kebab to get ready for stage two
10. Instead of slipping off quietly, the first leavers announce their departure to look after the kids
This is greeted by a tense 45 minute negotiation over 'one more drink'.
11. Despite everybody being well drunk, you aren't quite as drunk as Aoife from Accounts and the quiet guy John
Who are now shamelessly shifting.
12. Despite protests from most people, the fourteenth tray of shots makes its way down from the bar
13. All formality is gone now as the creeping starts with hands getting looser under the tables, smaller groups forming and lots of eyelashes being fluttered in unusual directions
14. And we have our first chunder of the evening well before midnight
15. The one semi-sober person realises you have a table in a nightclub booked and starts the rounding up process
It's like herding cats at this point.
16. Half the group are immediately refused from the club
The other half go on in without giving a shit and leave the drunks to head off home and have a house party in the intern's bedsit.
17. The boss hits the dance floor for the first time
18. Suddenly out of nowhere that person you haven't even noticed all year looks unbelievably attractive
They're also really interested in what you have to say.
19. Just three of you left in the club one of whom is your manager
At 3.30am, and with champagne now the drink of choice, this is the moment you choose to pitch the big vision for the company and your new pay rise.
20. You suddenly realise why your colleague always gives out about their long commute to work in the taxi home after sleeping with them
You thank God for Hailo and realise you've never even seen this part of Dublin before.
21. The inquests start on WhatsApp
And so, as always, the office party leads to a horrendous case of The Fear... Enjoy!