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The Emotional Lifecycle Of Getting Up In This FREEZING Weather

By katedemolder

December 20, 2016 at 12:10am


So, it doesn't take a whole lot of brain cells to realise that it's absolutely baltic in Dublin at the moment. And even more evident is how ill-prepared we are, as a whole, when it comes to the cold. 

This, mixed with a nation whose major export is complaining, adds up to a lot of whinging. 

We've plotted out the full emotional lifecycle for you, so you can continue to whinge for the rest of the day. You're welcome...

1. The screech of your alarm

You know it's coming, but it just doesn't get easier.


2. The turmoil when you realise you actually have to leave your well-built nest

It is nothing like ripping off a plaster. NOTHING. 

3. Quick cry

But it's fine, tears are warm.

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4. That first step onto the floor

Which you realise is wet because you've already started crying. 

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5. 100m sprint to the shower

1000000% quicker than Usain Bolt, and sleeker than most gazelles. 


6. After your cardio is done, you get to relax in a safe cuboid haven of warm dripping water 

No water charge is too large for this kind of pleasure.

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6. And if you're smart, you'll have a large, fluffy towel waiting for you on the radiator

But sadly no one's that organised.

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7. So you slip via your wet towel onto the cold, tiled floor of your life

And cry, again.

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8. You excitedly (semi-dry) leap into your clothes for the day

Turning the rips in your jeans into gaping holes and the breaking the backs of your shoes. 

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9. Now, the best part of the morning - *~*~*ThE hAiRdRyEr*~*~*

Let it blow, let it bloooow.

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10. Quick banana


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11. Fuck half of it in the bin and grab a croissant 

Just buy one anyway. Let's be real, you deserve it.

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12. The unattractive jog to the car/bus/train/Luas

And if you're cycling, may God have mercy on your soul.

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13. Choosing between the dodgy shortcut or the longer main road?

The main road is filled with people. You hate people.

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14. The slippy commute of death  

Walking ever closer to your doom.

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15. Success! You have now survived the worst part of the day 

Celebrate with another baked treat and a coffee the size of The Dáil.

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16. Dealing with your colleagues

You're on your own with this one... But maybe have a biscuit, they help.

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READ NEXT: Fuppin' Freezin' - Temperatures As Low As -6°C Expected This Weekend


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