The Emotional Lifecycle Of Getting Up In This FREEZING Weather
3. Quick cry.
So, it doesn't take a whole lot of brain cells to realise that it's absolutely baltic in Dublin at the moment. And even more evident is how ill-prepared we are, as a whole, when it comes to the cold.
This, mixed with a nation whose major export is complaining, adds up to a lot of whinging.
We've plotted out the full emotional lifecycle for you, so you can continue to whinge for the rest of the day. You're welcome...
1. The screech of your alarm
You know it's coming, but it just doesn't get easier.
2. The turmoil when you realise you actually have to leave your well-built nest
It is nothing like ripping off a plaster. NOTHING.
3. Quick cry
But it's fine, tears are warm.
4. That first step onto the floor
Which you realise is wet because you've already started crying.
5. 100m sprint to the shower
1000000% quicker than Usain Bolt, and sleeker than most gazelles.
6. After your cardio is done, you get to relax in a safe cuboid haven of warm dripping water
No water charge is too large for this kind of pleasure.
6. And if you're smart, you'll have a large, fluffy towel waiting for you on the radiator
But sadly no one's that organised.
7. So you slip via your wet towel onto the cold, tiled floor of your life
And cry, again.
8. You excitedly (semi-dry) leap into your clothes for the day
Turning the rips in your jeans into gaping holes and the breaking the backs of your shoes.
9. Now, the best part of the morning - *~*~*ThE hAiRdRyEr*~*~*
Let it blow, let it bloooow.
10. Quick banana
11. Fuck half of it in the bin and grab a croissant
Just buy one anyway. Let's be real, you deserve it.
12. The unattractive jog to the car/bus/train/Luas
And if you're cycling, may God have mercy on your soul.
13. Choosing between the dodgy shortcut or the longer main road?
The main road is filled with people. You hate people.
14. The slippy commute of death
Walking ever closer to your doom.
15. Success! You have now survived the worst part of the day
Celebrate with another baked treat and a coffee the size of The Dáil.
16. Dealing with your colleagues
You're on your own with this one... But maybe have a biscuit, they help.