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24th Feb 2017

The Emotional Rollercoaster Of Suffering From Hay Fever In The Office


It’s that time of year again – we all lost the run of ourselves in the first three days of summer that we had, rolled around in the grass like puppies – and now we’re all dying with hay fever. 

Everyone in the office now looks a little more swollen and puffy than we originally did before. Life is a little harder, and that damn pollen count just keeps on risin’. 

But, it was definitely worth it. Right?

1. Denial 

No, no, no! Only losers get hay fever! 


2. Irritation


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3. Self-pity

I am as weak and sad as a bag of limp kale.

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4. Pure unadulterated anger

There are murders, fascists and dictators in this world, and I AM THE ONE being mutilated by our flourishing society?!

Disclaimer: The only way out of this is swearing or a swig of baby Calpol.

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5. An emotional lift

(Due to the swearing and baby Calpol.)

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6. Loneliness

No-one gets your struggle, and no-one can see you cry. Your desk is your fortress of solitude and if anyone dares come near you in your precious time of need, they will be removed.

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7. Neediness

…what? No-one’s coming over?


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8. Hunger like no other hunger you’ve felt before

Because you can’t really eat and food doesn’t really taste like anything. 

Plus your eyes are so puffy they have actually closed – so that apple could really be an onion, or a bagel, or even a bar of soap.

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9. Despair

Ugh. This bread is made of beige and lies!

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10. Disappointment

God, this life is just a bottomless hole of unhappiness and I have fallen at the first hurdle.

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11. Impatience

Get your shit together, Piriton. I’ve already taken eight of you and you’ve done nothing apart from make the room spin a little.

Well fucking done, you tablet of BULLSHIT.

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12. ‘Oh.. The sky is so beautiful, and oh! This water is so tasty’


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13. Then shit gets kinda real

Oh God, I’ve so much to do and I’m so behind, and I sort of realised that this is real life and not some sort of coffee-fueled purgatory. Everyone has been working solidly all day and no-one told me?

Someone should give out to them!

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14. Exhaustion

All these feelings really take it out of you. It’s 4pm and EHRMAGAWD, how am I still awake?


15. And finally, defeat

You’re done. 

Retreat to your bed and fill your life with bath salts, medicine and vitamin C to knock that hay fever into outer space. 

The day has been filled with problems so intense that you doubted even your own self-worth. Well, not really. It’s everyone else that’s fucking idiotic, not you.

But tomorrow will be better. Now off to bedrest with you…

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