It’s that time of year again – we all lost the run of ourselves in the first three days of summer that we had, rolled around in the grass like puppies – and now we’re all dying with hay fever.
Everyone in the office now looks a little more swollen and puffy than we originally did before. Life is a little harder, and that damn pollen count just keeps on risin’.
But, it was definitely worth it. Right?
No, no, no! Only losers get hay fever!
MY EYES. IT’S LIKE EVERYTHING IS THE SUN.
I am as weak and sad as a bag of limp kale.
4. Pure unadulterated anger
There are murders, fascists and dictators in this world, and I AM THE ONE being mutilated by our flourishing society?!
Disclaimer: The only way out of this is swearing or a swig of baby Calpol.
5. An emotional lift
(Due to the swearing and baby Calpol.)
No-one gets your struggle, and no-one can see you cry. Your desk is your fortress of solitude and if anyone dares come near you in your precious time of need, they will be removed.
…what? No-one’s coming over?
ALL I NEED IS LOVE.
8. Hunger like no other hunger you’ve felt before
Because you can’t really eat and food doesn’t really taste like anything.
Plus your eyes are so puffy they have actually closed – so that apple could really be an onion, or a bagel, or even a bar of soap.
Ugh. This bread is made of beige and lies!
God, this life is just a bottomless hole of unhappiness and I have fallen at the first hurdle.
Get your shit together, Piriton. I’ve already taken eight of you and you’ve done nothing apart from make the room spin a little.
Well fucking done, you tablet of BULLSHIT.
12. ‘Oh.. The sky is so beautiful, and oh! This water is so tasty’
13. Then shit gets kinda real
Oh God, I’ve so much to do and I’m so behind, and I sort of realised that this is real life and not some sort of coffee-fueled purgatory. Everyone has been working solidly all day and no-one told me?
Someone should give out to them!
All these feelings really take it out of you. It’s 4pm and EHRMAGAWD, how am I still awake?
15. And finally, defeat
Retreat to your bed and fill your life with bath salts, medicine and vitamin C to knock that hay fever into outer space.
The day has been filled with problems so intense that you doubted even your own self-worth. Well, not really. It’s everyone else that’s fucking idiotic, not you.
But tomorrow will be better. Now off to bedrest with you…