If the obstacles of distance, closures and seating space didn't exist.
I had previously thought that 12 pubs was a thing of the past, another casualty of the pandemic like self-serve hotel breakfast and working in the office. You'd also have to question the its place in today's Dublin, with pint prices touching €7 in many spots and Gen Z expressing less of an affinity for binge drinking than their predecessors.
Despite my uncertainty, a recent influx of Christmas jumper-clad groups wandering around town frantically checking Google Maps confirms that 12 pubs remains an important ritual for many.
The steady flow of Santa hats and baubles-as-earrings inspired me to compile Lovin's absolute dream 12 pubs of Christmas, including closed pubs, pubs in different counties and pubs that you usually wouldn't even bother trying to get into any time during December because they're permanently jointed. Hop on in if you're interested - here's what we came up with:
The Library Bar
Central Hotel
Some would say this sorely missed, hidden gem of a bar upstairs in the Central Hotel wouldn't be the ideal starting point for a 12 pubs, but this is my fantasy and I'd give anything to have just one more pint in this cosy, upholstered seat haven. Plus it'd only be pint one, and as this is a 12 pubs that exists only in my mind, everyone would be low-key and chilled to start the evening off.
Mulligans
Poolbeg Street
Loved by GAA fans and historians alike, and one of the best pints in Dublin, as connoisseurs from all over the county would fall over themselves to tell you. The perfect place to head to early on in our journey, so we can appreciate the taste.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CXQuMDyMhcw/
Hole in the Wall
Blackhorse Ave
By pint 3, the juices are flowing and the festive spirit should be just about starting to awaken inside you - which means it's time to head to the most Christmassy pub in Dublin. It's around now you'll want to start taking selfies, and really, there's no better backdrop.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cli5hFlsU0X/
The Harbour Bar
Bray
After pint 3, you're not gonna want that warm, fuzzy feeling to end - so simply click your heels three times a la Dorothy and you'll be inside the Harbour Bar with a fire blazing, chats flowing and a cat purring on your lap 'cos it loves you. Also, inexplicably, all your childhood friends you haven't seen for years are there - even though none of you are from Bray. It's just that kind of place.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CjVoim9Lj6V/
The Big Romance
Parnell Street
By pub 5 you'll probably be ready for a bitta movin' and groovin', so click those heels again and we're back in the centre of town for a cocktail and a spot of jazz at the Big Romance, Parnell Street. The perfect venue to ease you into the boogey-on-down segment of the night.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CftlbRis052/
The original Bernard Shaw
It's the halfway mark, so that means time to eat something (hour-per-pub time limits, nor the concept of time itself exist in this fantasy). We're heading to the original, sadly departed Bernard Shaw for lively chats in the beer garden, accompanied by a pizza from the Big Blue Bus.
Cassidys
Westmoreland Street
It's pub 7, and it's starting to show. No worries, the red lights at Cassidy's hide a multitude of sins, and it's the perfect spot for when you're ready to get the dancing shoes on.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CSjLpMrFMEw/
The Long Hall
Georges Street
Don't worry about not being able to fit in the door - there's a table reserved down the back so you can soak up the Long Hall's Victorian decor and buzz for pint 8.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxAqX5rnGDC/
Liberty Belle
Francis Street
POV: You've just arrived at the
Liberty Belle for pint 9, and you've also just been told that you've won first prize of the Christmas Draw. It's a Christmas miracle.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CljTyoFsEJO/
The Hacienda
Mary Street Little
Still high on life after winning the draw, it's time to head somewhere that'll match your mood. Off to the Hacienda with you, where Shay's feeling generous and lets your whole group in.
Workmans, before its flop era
Over the summer, Dublin's gen Z took to TikTok to formally declare
Workmans was in its flop era. As someone who's spent many a special occasion dancing the night away on those black and white tiles, it's hard for me to come to terms with this. Maybe I'm just getting old, and have no concept of what's cool and what's not, but pub 11 is Workmans, pre-flop era. I'm talking 3 Sol for a tenner, I'm talking NCAD students in the smoking area on the hunt for spare rollies, the works.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CV2bv67sk86/
O'Sheas Bar
Eyeries (Cork)
For pub number 12 I'm clicking my heels again and heading to the depths of West Cork to the colourful, Ballamory-esque village of Eyeries. Here you'll find Shea's, home of one of the best pints in Ireland, a cosy fire and if you're lucky (which I am because this is my fantasy), a bitta live music to round off the night. Immaculate vibes all round.
Oh and to top it all off, you don't make a show of yourself, you don't lose any of your belongings and text your ex, and you've no hangover the next morning.
Well, there you go. This is the only 12 pubs I'll be participating in this year, and I have to say I've loved every second. If you've got a real one scheduled, good luck and god bless. If not, maybe just have a read of this while sitting at home with a can. That's the same thing, right?
Header image: Instagram/Hole in the Wall/Bernard Shaw
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