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1st May 2019
11:10am BST
We Dubliners love to have a good moan about our city.
We can easily spend hours complaining about the rent bubble, the crappy weather and the carnage that is Harcourt street at 3am on a Saturday night. For all the stick we give it though, we love it really.
Here are the things you'll miss most about Dublin when you're gone...
Butter or Mayo? Plain or spicy? The deli assistant at your local Spar is always asking the important questions.
How do people actually not know the difference in this day and age? In Dublin, this is basically on the syllabus when you're in primary school.
It’s the perfect way to get out of being held responsible for your actions.
Agreed to meet your mates at 6ish and you're only turning up at eight? No problem. You said -ish, it's a universally accepted non-binding agreement and today it's your 'get out of jail free' card.
‘pints?’
‘yes’
‘Toners?’
‘sound’
Their grilled ham and cheese sandwiches have become a rite of passage. Of course, the taste positively correlates with how many pints deep you are, so you can't lose really.
No one does it better than the Irish. No issue is too big or small. Choose any topic under the sun and we'll not only be able to tell you why it's a terrible thing but also why it's our problem. A canned pumpkin shortage in the US this Halloween you say? Challenge accepted.
Yeah, try this in the States...
The Dublin edition of Russian roulette: is there money on it or is there not?
We too like to live dangerously.
The most versatile metric of all.
All of it.
In Ireland it is not only understood, but expected, that you’ll cure your hangover with more drink.
Any less and you may as well just spit in my face.
In many cultures lunchtime pints are frowned upon, and the term liquid lunch refers to a juice cleanse. Disgusting.
“Hey Mr Taximan, you busy tonight?"
On a Friday. We're the worst.
Crispy bits mandatory. No matter if you're team Burdocks or team Beshoff we can all agree that you can't beat a cheeky bag of chipper chips
Try using this term to describe a hangover anywhere else and people will think you're either paranoid or just scared of everything.
Saying 'I will yea' means that you most definitely won't, and 'you'll be grand' actually means you probably won't be grand but just get on with it anyways.
These are quite simply Not Okay in any other part of the world.
That, in itself, is Not Okay.
The inside joke that an entire nation shares, and no other culture will ever quite get.
The intense satisfaction when you eventually manage to burst one of these is unrivalled (until you see the distraught look on the face of the kid you knocked over in pursuit of said bubble... which makes it even sweeter)
People calling in sick to work, your inbox flooded with texts about having 'cans on the canal' and pasty limbs everywhere.
I've still yet to come across a better tasting or better value feast.
Yours sincerely,
Deirdre.
An honourable tradition that one must never ever break for the fear of bringing shame to themselves, their children and their children's children.
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