Feature

08th Mar 2019

14 Things You Quickly Discover When You Move Up To Dublin From ‘The Country’

seank

Ah, Dublin.

As the country’s economic centre, there’s a constant influx of newcomers to our city to study and work from around the country, a slew of newbies who are still getting used to the place.

Before you acclimatise to Dublin, you tend to get quite a few shocks to the system as you get to grips with our country’s labyrinthine capital.

Let’s have a look at the 14 things you discover when you move to Dublin from elsewhere in Ireland.

1. People on Tinder suddenly become a lot more attractive

When half your hometown have moved to Australia, you’re really left with the dregs of your local Tinder community. But as soon as you hit the big city, suddenly things start to look up.

It’s simple maths really, more people equals more hot people.

2. Your gaff becomes a crash pad

Now you’ve moved to the Big S(h)moke you’ve unwittingly placed a target on your back. Whenever your friends from home need a place to stay in Dublin, you get to be the lucky host.

Also, you start saying ‘gaff.’

“Feel free to sleep on my couch and make my flatmates feel awkward in their own home.”

3. Pub comfort zones

Dublin newbies fear assimilation (heaven forbid they should become identified as Dubliners), so they stick to a specific set of pubs and very, very rarely stray from them.

Ryan’s, Flannery’s, Copper’s: these are their little reservations of home.

READ: The Definitive Ranking Of All 27 Pubs On The Camden Mile, From Worst To Best

4. Or you go the completely OPPOSITE direction

This is when someone moves to Dublin and systematically distances themselves from their former life back in ‘the sticks.’

For they live in Dublin now, and are therefore more sophisticated, and an all-round better class of person.

4. Drivers

Patient drivers, speedy lanes of traffic, straight-forward road systems: just a few things you won’t find in the capital.

Also, worrying about parking is suddenly a thing.

Tipp-driver — Pictured: Someone who’s never driven in Dublin

5. Cycling

You’ll find cycling is useful for shortening the journey time to work and your life expectancy. Two birds, and all that.

And speaking of birds…

6. Seagulls

You discover that the city is actually under siege from this big, evil-lookin’, food-snatchin’, winged menace.

7. Everything’s so damn EXPENSIVE

A weekly Leap Card fare is how much?!

Someone call the zoo, because these guys are having a giraffe.

8. Flat hunting

The bane of the Dublin newbie’s existence, one we do not envy. Dublin’s got some real shitholes just waiting to be viewed.

READ: 9 Apartment Rental Ads From DAFT That Will Make You Wonder About Humanity

9. To drink normal tea is weird

If you just ask for tea in a café there’s an awkward pause where they wait for you to elaborate. I mean, what kind of a philistine goes to a café and orders tea?

coffee-shop — “Kindly get the fuck off our premises.”

10. Brunch

You weren’t even aware this was a thing people in Ireland cared about, but they do. This isn’t done any place else in the country, unless that place is very close to Dublin. Nowhere else does it. Whereas here there are whole websites dedicated to it.

11. Bus drivers give you change in receipt form

Even though you explicitly told the driver you like your money in money form. Of course, you can cash in your receipts any time you want, but in your heart of hearts you know that you’ll never ever be arsed to do that…

Which is, of course, exactly what they want.

dublin-bus — Oh I know your game, Dublin Bus

12. Tourists everywhere

You can’t walk down the street without getting asked for directions by someone wearing a bumbag.

13. The shocking revelation that is rush hour on the M50

Hell exists, and it’s localised on a motorway around 6pm on a Friday.

14. The ‘capital’ mentality

You’ll encounter a lot of Dubliners who see Ireland as divided into two parts (and not the two parts you’d think): there’s Dublin, and there’s the country.

To them, there are no other urban areas to speak of in Ireland – just vast expanses of rich agricultural land, populated by farmers and other rural types (such as more farmers).