8 Reasons You Should Have Taken Post-Electric Picnic Monday Off Work

You thought it would be fine, didn’t you?

You thought you’d just seamlessly re-integrate into the working world after a weekend of having the most incredible time of your life, with no consequences whatsoever.

Well, you are a foolish person. And here’s why.

1. Your wristband is scraping off the desk as you type 

The noise is making everyone hate you. But you can’t BEAR the notion of taking it off because you are NOT READY FOR THIS.

2. You’re operating on seven minutes’ sleep

Nice as it was to arrive back to a comfy bed at fucking stupid o’clock, you’d no sooner closed your eyes before your alarm clock started blaring and brought you back to reality with a horrifying jolt.

3. You know there’s a backpack at home that needs sorting out 

And it’s like the thought of coming home to a dysfunctional relationship. You know it’s there, waiting to cause you pain and angst and misery… and you know it’s unavoidable. But nothing will get it off your mind all day. 

MESS.

4. When you shout ‘5, 4, 3, 2, 1’, nobody shows even the slightest bit of interest in taking this house to the maximum

What is wrong with you people?

5. Nobody cares about EP as much as they should

This was the most important event ever to have taken place in your life so far this month, and all you want to do is talk about it.

Why won’t you engage with me on the topic of Hozier playing with the Trinity Orchestra, Dearbhla from accounts? WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE REAL WORLD?

Was lovely to join Trinity Orchestra and the very talented @matt_cello on stage yesterday at @EPfestival #DavidBowie pic.twitter.com/T0qM85tf3p

— Hozier (@Hozier) September 4, 2016

6. You don’t have the money to buy lunch 

And although you have an assortment of food in the fridge at home, the idea of having packed it into something resembling a meal is about as laughable as the idea of sleeping in a permanent structure.

7. You don’t feel able to navigate around the office without a map 

I can’t do this…

8. You feel like your sole purpose in life has evaporated

Not to be dramatic about it or anything, but nothing has a point any more.

Nothing.

Roll on 2017…

Stay strong.

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