For centuries and millennia long before we all pretended we liked each other, the people of Ireland spent the long, rainy days hurling abuse at each other – and no harm to them.
For swearing in Ireland is not as intense as swearing is in any other nation (we're looking at you America), this is expression in its truest form – and the only way Irish people know how.
Let's have a few examples.
For those of you who have never heard this before, you either grew up in Sandymount or probably thought it was a mystical creature of some sort.
According to Wikipedia, (yes, Wikipedia actually has a page entitled 'Gombeen man') a Gombeen is term used in Ireland for a shady, small-time 'wheeler-dealer' or businessman who is always looking to make a quick profit, often at someone else's expense or through the acceptance of bribes.
So, basically – a little squirrelly crook who'd peel an orange in his pocket so he wouldn't have to share.
Someone entirely different.
Bit of a twit, hasn't got their shit together and never will. Known to come from the Irish gabhdán meaning 'gullible person'.
Bit dumb, like.
Kind of endearing, but also lacking in cop-on. Not a huge leap from gobdaw, but a definite step up all the same.
Often spelt 'bollix', usually used with a preceding 'ye', or if you're from Sligo: 'ya aul'.
They get away with murder, and they know it.
Generally used in an encouraging way to try to get someone to be better or work quicker e.g. "Hurry the feck on, ya dope!"
Either pronounced with an elongated Z sound after the D, if you're from The Big Shmoke – otherwise it's said more like 'dawwwwwp' if the midlands is your stomping ground.
Another word dripping in affection, something we Irish just don't know how to handle. Good value to have on the sesh, but not really someone you'd grab a coffee with.
A word that, legend has it, is written on every page of the Book of Kells because it's so bloody relevant.
A gowl is someone who eggs a gaff, trips over a hedgehog after legging it in the wrong direction, drops his phone down a manhole and then literally drives into a Garda car.
Gowl in a wifebeater.
A real gas wan who'd rob you blind give the opportunity.
Not blessed in the intelligence department, God bless them. Generally sound enough and has great patience with making a pot of tea.
A little shkirt who flirts her way around the town only to inevitably receive the nickname 'brazen hussy' and become excommunicated from all the farming families with land in the tri-county area.
Not okay, really.
Bit more than a brat, bit less than a prick. Skating on a very fine line, and would definitely lamp a box at some guy in a club for the craic like.
Bit of a useless sod, doesn't do much and spends most of their life horizontal. Main meals would be bowls of cereal. Not much craic.
Will keep a secret to the grave, however, purely because they'll 100% forget what you've told them within minutes.
A woman so foul and pure evil, she'd make Ms Trunchbull look like just your ordinary bad bitch.
Inflicts cruel and unusual punishments on her prey and is all in all, a bit of a hag. They generally used to be kinda hot, but lost it with either the rise of puberty, or the fall of the middle aged spread.
The most embarrassing of them all. You're just no fun, no value and you bring nothing to the table apart from your gloomy disposition and the puss on your face.
Can never dance.
17. And finally, tool
A word that tends to throw people off and really get ya where it hurts.
A tool is a dope mixed with a gowl mixed with a gobshite. A tool will say a sentence and say 'NAAT' at the end, just to be a tool. A tool will spit in your hand before shaking it at Mass. And a tool leaves the empty milk cartons in the fridge.
Needless to say, to be avoided.